My Tune: Half Life by Oliver James
For sixteen years, I bit my tongue. For sixteen years, I silenced the voice within me. For sixteen long years, I believe I never was as strong and as determined as I am right now.
People who say that the road to success is not a mere one-way street are right. They say that such road takes more than just wheels and car fuel for a man to pass on. They say that no matter how fast you think you’re going, but if you have no idea where you are absolutely heading, there’s no point leaving home, and there’s definitely no point taking the previous steps in your life.
Right now, I am speaking as one of this “They” I’m talking about. I am right now speaking for my being.. . for my future… for my long-awaited dreams.
Last week, I took the University of the Philippines College Admission Test or simply, the UPCAT.
Now for some, this may not appear as something which can be considered as a big deal. Maybe, for some, it’s just a matter of taking a typical college entrance test, finding out whether or not you passed it and that’s it— end of story!
But no matter how all the other people perceive this whole UP thing, I still must say that things are different in my case.
You see, UPCAT is by far the biggest examination I have taken in 16 years. Passing this test means more than just passing a college entrance test for me. It even means more than my intellect can possibly describe.
If you think I am over-acting, then here… I will tell you what my mouth has itched to finally announce to the overall-crowd for years.
Since I was just five years old or so, I was already told by my family and even my extended relatives that I will end up as a successful doctor someday; that someday, I will be taking up BS Medical-Technology in a “cliche'” school here in Bacolod and will be proceeding to Medicine in yet another same old college institution in this same old city. They have been forcing me to see myself as a professional doctor who has a good ‘ole clinic of his own and a myriad of patient patients to cure. Generally, they have been unconsciously leading me to a path I never really want to take.
Growing up in a family whose members are of high Scientific and Technological educational attainments, it had been really really (really) hard for me to just say no to taking up that BS Med-Tech course and to becoming someone who carries a stethoscope and wears a fancy lab gown all the time. Fighting for what I really want appeared to me like a serious crime which no one can ever successfully investigate about. I have to tell you, I had to fake my dreams in front of my parents for 16 years simply because I didn’t want to shockingly disappoint them (good boy, good boy). I made them believe that what they want for me is what I wanted for myself as well. But having realized the italicized quotable lines I shared with you at the beginning of this entry, that the road to success is not a mere one-way street, I told myself that it’s about time I fight for my dream… my own dream— something I would most probably die for.
Going back to my desperation to get into UP, I’m telling you that the University of the Philippines is one of my dream schools. In fact, it’s the only one of my dream schools which is in the Philippines. I’ve always wanted to become a complete dormer living a challenging dorm life— A dormer who has to cook food for himself, wash clothes for himself… even pay tuition fees for himself ( and by himself alone). I’ve always wanted to experience what it’s like to fix my bed by myself without the aid of a paid helper. I want to know what it’s like to eat just crackers partnered with Batchoy every dinner time. Sigh. I guess what I’m trying to say here is, I’ve always wanted to live my life away from the comforts and pampered stability this city offers. Because no matter how you look at life, it’s not like you’ll always be at a beach shoreline, sitting and taking countless sips from an ice-cold lemonade-filled fancy glass and just gazing at the sunset without even worrying about anything. No. It’s never like that. I came to think that sometimes, it’s really good to find out that you can surpass a foreign trial.
That is why I’m dying to get into UP. There, I can live up my dreams worrilessly, fully and most importantly, definitely.
So it is totally final! I won’t be fooling myself by taking up nursing or medicine or whatever, I won’t be walking through the halls of the typical schools here in Bacolod in college, I won’t be carrying a stethoscope nor a blood pressure measuring instrument ten years from now(see? I don’t even know what it’s called) and most surely, I won’t be standing under the rain asking myself why I didn’t follow my own hopes and dreams for myself.
What I really want for myself is to take up either Film and become a movie director and producer, or take up Communication and Media Studies, major in Advertising, and become an overall mass media practitioner.
Come on, mom and dad! I’ve been writing short stories since I was four. And when I was six, I gave my speech “I want to be the president of the Philippines” to an unfamiliar crowd. And you know I suck at Math! I had countless tutors in Math before and nope! Nothing happened! I just guess no one can ever be great at everything and anything. Each and everyone of us has flaws on different aspects of life. Life involves extensive phases, and none of us must dream that we can be perfect in all those aspects simply because we can’t. That’s why Know-it-alls are actually dumb people. It is because they stupidly believe that their kind actually exists.
Okay, so I hope I can pass UPCAT even though I wasn’t able to answer exactly twenty items in the Math section and seven items in the Filipino section. If not, everything will be a different story.
I hereby give myself a pat on the back for finally making up my mind that no one succeeds for being so materialistic with hopes and dreams. I really believe that passion should be a core criterion in achieving life’s greatest pleasures.
Afterall, it takes more than just a “course of the nation” and a “scientific and technological educational attainment” for a person to be called someone who actually is successful.
Freedom. Freedom. Freedom.