My Symphonies: Afterglow by INXS
Eve, the Apple of My Eye by Bell X1
Wonderwall by Oasis
Open Your Eyes by Snow Patrol
It is indeed true that in life, there will always be a point where people start turning into thorny creatures as they begin pulling you down and every aspect of your humanity. One day, you’ll find that the people whom you’ve trusted turned out to be those antagonists that will tear you up into pieces. And when everything’s said and done, you are left with two choices: entertain the nonsense and get drowned by the paparazzi’s trash talks, or laugh it off and be happy.
It is truly hard to fight an uphill battle. But one thing’s for sure. When you’re there, battling, it’s like you can feel that you’re in that combat for something bigger…better…brighter.
And right now, I think I can see that sunlight; that shining star; that enormous salvation.
So I have been gone for two months already. I was out there, trying to relive certain moments and redefine myself. Lots have changed in a span of six weeks. The sun was just like rising yesterday and now it’s off for a hibernation. But today is another day. Five hours from now the sun will once again rise in the east, the birds will chirp and the morning dew will be beautiful as always. But before all this happens, I have to speak herein… ABOUT EVERYTHING.
FROM THE MOUTH OF KENO
The ever misunderstood. Ever controversial. Ever hated [and destroyed].
Freshman year. I was convinced that from the very moment I stood on the unfamiliar grounds of high school, life would never be the same. I was aware that there would be clashes, insurgencies, valor, hatred and devastation. I entered high school with everyone getting the impression that I am a snob, hypocrite, “plastic” and unconventional. Majority of the people that time was satisfied with the thought of me being the complete opposite of a “Mr. Congeniality” recipient.
So there. I had been the perfect image of the most cynical and mysterious earthling ever to walk on earth. I was also fairly odd-looking and socially awkward.
But it didn’t stop there. You know, sometimes, the more people get, the more they want. It’s never enough for any human being. I don’t even think “enough” exists in this typical existence. And so out of the bluest blue, I just found myself in the middle of every tussle and controversy in our batch. As far as I can recall, there was no single WORLD WAR (4A, i know you know what this means) wherein I was not involved. I always get into combats no matter how hard I try to take the different street. I have been Hatred’s favorite slave and Scuttlebutt’s favorite victim.
During my sophomore year, I was, I believe, the most fragile version of me. I admit I was as weak and as defenseless as a three-year old who’s still learning his ABC’s and 123’s. One offense against me and I was dead. Two years ago, I was this emotionally and socially unstable kid who didn’t even know what he was doing – someone who contented himself with being in the middle of things, not trying to get out of his comfort zone. That year, with many struggles and hard times, I learned how tough life can be sometimes. It is in my sophomore year that I learned that I have to get my knees harder and my backbone more stable if I want to survive life. I think that 75% of my classmates that time wasn’t really let’s say, the “FRIENDLY TYPE”. I was implicitly and psychologically bullied.
One moment I was laughing hard with these people and by the next minute, I was the MAIN TOPIC of their wild and weird suspicions. Generally, I was still learning how to deal with haters. I was still discovering the secret life of The Hated and The Discussed. I was still leaving baby marks that time. Tama na ‘yung nagpapa twee-tums parati. I tended to be very delicate and sensitive with everything and everyone. But little did I know that I would somehow appreciate the things my haters did against me. Because of them, I learned to become stronger. Not really someone who’s as strong and as invincible as Superman, but stronger.
I started my junior year with a hope for a new beginning. I worked hard to redefine myself and my entourage. Firmer then than I was before, I started to create links with other people. These links led me to genuine friendships which have stood the test of time. Like what I have said in my previous blog about my junior year, it was in this year when I took everyday life experiences in very large doses. I was addicted to socialization. I took every little step which I felt would lead me to the better. I gained the trust of several people. And in the same manner, I was also able to put my trust in them. I explored the unknown and the untouched. I can say that in this year, I was able to put the previous ugly year behind me and move on. I learned that people come and go; I learned that everything happens for a reason; I learned that in order to live, I must keep on learning. Junior year taught me how to become wiser. I can pretty much say that this year had been my training ground.
I spent the rest of the year thinking how things might so severely change by the succeeding 365 days. And let’s just take a look at how drastically things [and people] can transform.
“The grass is greener where it rains”— Bell X1
So three months after that year ended, I started to sense how right and accurate my instincts were. CHANGE IS THE ONLY PERMANENT THING IN THE WORLD. And I couldn’t agree any more on this general truth. My senior year is undeniably full of twists and turns. There had been a change in looks, company, camaraderie, bonds, priorities, views in life and even in beliefs. I can say that what I had learned in my previous years in high school is successfully and effectively serving its purpose right now. I always knew that after my happy-go-lucky junior year, I will be faced with a whole new package of fiasco. And now here I am, once again rather “despised” by people – people who so desperately try to break me down and destroy my every feature. Life’s still the same for me after all those head-turning experiences. IT’S STILL THE SAME. There’s still the controversy being instigated by lame people, there’s still my circle of friends, who trust me and believe in my deeds and capacities, there’s still those firecrackers that ring in my ear every free time and most importantly, there’s still that one shining piece of happiness that stays with me no matter what. I have to say that I was beginning to find life rather boring. It’s just like a senseless cycle. People hate me–> I laugh, People hate me–> I laugh and People hate me–> I laugh. But now I realize that all of this is not a nonsense. This cycle is in fact the very thing which will mold me to become perfectly invulnerable.
What I am trying to emphasize here is that if we take a look at the vast dimension of life, we can see how beautiful it is to be able to live. We can see that though everytime you rise up, there will always be people who’ll bring you down, life is still amazing. We can see how much it means to have good friends who’ll be by your side even if your flaws start to become very obvious. Because friendship isn’t about trying to be perfect for each other, but being there when the world is turned against the other.
Above all this, I learned that the only people I need in my life are those who prove they need me in theirs. I am so not born to live up to everyone’s expectations. I have my own individual differences, and so does everyone else. And it is so right that each of us is beautiful in his own ways.
Controversies have made a mark on my life already, but I never took them the wrong way. I embrace destructive circumstances constructively. Let us all learn to make strawberry juice out of lemons.
When life gives you something sour and bitter, look for ways to make something sweet out of it. You’ll never know how sweet the outcome can be.
To all my haters, I once again salute you for molding me into a better person.
I may never have been this strong if it wasn’t for you.
Now all I can say is…………………………. KEEP TALKIN’, SHAWTY!!! XD
Tribu B, Thanks for everything. It was fun and it’s nice to have you guys back then. I learned a lot from this group.
Invictus Guild, I know we are not that stable, but I believe that we shared something special, and that’s more than enough for me…
PNP, palangga ta gid kamo TANAN, indi lang isa, kundi TANAN. 🙂 thanks for sharing your life experiences with me, people. Thanks for being there when I need to laugh, or when I simply need people to talk to. You are one bunch of great, loud, happy people. And I am so lucky to have you guys co-exist with me here on earth. :]
Ybarzabal Council… I know 80% of you can’t read this post, but guys, you are like my perfect getaway. Balo naman kamo na guro ah. Nga kung kita kita ga inupdanay, dula ang problema. :] Kag, MANY TO MENTION ang hamablon ko sinyo…