The Childhood I’ve Outgrown and the Simplicity I Want To Own Again

My Symphony: Only One by Yellowcard

Songs and smells will bring you back to a moment in time more than anything else. It’s amazing how much can be conjured with a few notes of a song or a solitary whiff of a room. A song you didn’t even pay attention to at the time, a place that you didn’t even know had a particular smell. I wonder what will someday bring back Dex and our few months together. Maybe the sound of Dido’s voice. Maybe the scent of the Aveda shampoo I’ve been using all summer.
 Emily Giffin

To all 17s, 18s and 19s out there…

This song brings me back to the cozy and mysterious hallways of my high school. And I do hate high school. I really do. But I just miss it sometimes. I mean, do you ever come to think of it? The fact that we will never be younger than we are RIGHT NOW, like at this very moment, this very second. Doesn’t that freak you out? I don’t know what your high school life had been like, but mine was surely a hell of a story even I can’t believe had actually happened. And as each day passes, I begin to look forward to looking back. It’s like as I grow up, the fear of what’s out there is beginning to build up, and I can’t help but remember the old days when things were a whole lot simpler. What is it in life that we want? I mean, why do we even wake up each morning and go to school or to work? What is this all for? I’m pretty sure all the 20 somethings as well as our parents have an answer to that question. But as with people so young and so innocent like us teenagers, it’s still all vague. We, the teenagers, are in a certain point of our lives where the past doesn’t seem so far away and the future isn’t that close either. We spend most of our time preparing for that “bright tomorrow” even when we don’t really know what that means. So what does that mean exactly, success? Is it money? Is it fame or luxury? Is it a state of “self-fulfillment”? I don’t know. And I’m sure as hell no one in this world really knows what success is or how to measure it. Why? Because people never get contented. That’s the bottom line. We always seem to want something MORE than what we already have. It’s just NEVER EVER enough for anybody in this place full of greed and self-absorption. And even the richest people on earth aren’t that happy. Because humanity lacks the capacity to appreciate the SIMPLE THINGS in life. We are all just so aggressive and so determined to work hard for that thing we call “success” but we don’t know if success guarantees happiness. The way I see it, at the end of the day, we all come back to the very place we are dying to escape. And that is the place called “simplicity”. After all the riches have been splurged away, after all the complexities have maimed our lives, all the drama, all the sorrows, all the pain, all the laughter, all the challenges and everything else in between, it all comes down to what’s plain and simple— life. That’s everything all of this ever is. LIFE. Nothing more and nothing less. And so everytime I remember that I am 18, I miss high school more and more. Because I know that when life gets too complicated and when I find myself being the complicated person I swore I’d never be, HIGH SCHOOL will be my only reminder of the childhood I’ve outgrown and the simplicity I wanna own again.


One thought on “The Childhood I’ve Outgrown and the Simplicity I Want To Own Again

  1. Kenn – as you now know, I’m slowly working my way through your blog site. First time I visited it I started at your oldest entry, thinking I’d work my way to your latest discoveries. But your first entry 4 years ago didn’t particularly impress me, so I switched and started from the present and will work my way back there.

    I realized 2 things at coffee this morning. One is that I don’t ever want your conversations with us to end. I instead hope you keep sharing everything you notice and value with the rest of us.

    That’s why I kinda just tackle one or two of your entries a day – I don’t want this experience I’m having with you to end. I don’t want to ever run out. I’m goind at it slowly but surely, hoping that by the time I reach your first entries from years ago that I’ll then find a whole slew of newer ones that you might be pumping out in the mean time.

    My second thought, which might even be considered a bit of a worry – is that you might someday actually run out of insights. That you’ll run dry. Have nothing more to add. Just get redundant all to hell.

    But that’s a risk I can easily live with. You keep up waking each day and seeing what you see, feel what you feel, write what your heart and soul dictate for you to share – and all those of us that follow your words will be blessed.

    As to this particular entry itself, you somewhat surprised me by assuming that “all the 20 somethings as well as our parents have an answer to that question (as to what all this is for!).” I’m wondering if any of their answers, even one of them – would satisfy you?

    I suggest you’re giving everyone far more credit than we deserve – and that you would find the answers we’ve chosen to accept rather diminishing and overwhelmingly debiliative.

    You do redeem yourself, in my estimation (for what it’s worth) when you say: “And I’m sure as hell no one in this world really knows what success is or how to measure it.” That’s the Kenn I think I’m getting to know. That’s the guy with his bull-shit detector turned on and getting accurate readings.

    When you get to read my book and start playing with the idea of symmetry and what we’re trying to re-establish for ourselves, maybe you’ll agree with me that the never-ending yearnings for more is just part of the software we’ve been programmed with. I think you’d also agree that waaaaaaay toooooo many people adopt materialism and consumerism as something to worship or their own sake, instead of the more important quest, perhaps – of continuing to search for that illusive meaning of life. And for love.

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