The Unlucky Ones

My Symphony:  Sirens In the Deep Sea by Longwave

“Do you feel that sometimes it’s like we’re just an audience of a television show? Sometimes everything is just surreal.
Like we are the only ones who want to know when it’s actually a dream.” — Nathaniel G.  

April 29, 2012

Dear Nathaniel,

This might seem a little too far-off in the sense that I went from all that flirty flaunt to this monotonous of a topic, but I just want you to know that I value people like you. So much. You have no idea how big the part you play in my life is. You don’t see it because it’s not something that’s tangible. It’s just there: the fact that we are one of the few. I know I have the tendency to be brutally vague most of the time, but I will try my best to get this out as clearly as possible right now. What I wanna say is… you are one of the very few people who are like me. And that means that we are the bunch of people who think about things, who live life very consciously and then go home at the end of the day reflecting on everything, even the tiniest details. People like us, who are very critical (especially emotionally); who wonder about life; who watch and try to understand; who fall in and out of love carrying tons of doses of life experiences and lessons in between the transitions; people who talk to each other about their musings of the future and their indispensable past, gearing towards the unknown as each day passes. And yet, not knowing, despite all of those deliberate over-thinking, what to do, or where to go, or what to say, or how to feel.

Do you think this is just us, Nate? I do. I think that there’s really a few of us who are like this. People who were born into this world with the curse of living the rest of their lives with this penetrating urge of understanding everything they feel. And it’s unfair, if you ask me. It’s unfair because it’s impossible to understand our emotions. And although it may seem like we are one of the few, that distinction also means that we are the unlucky ones. We are the ones who have to face each day NOT KNOWING and yet WANTING TO. Do you think that our other friends or the other people in our life also act and feel like we do? Like Vince, or Jhun, or Adrian, or Christian, or Troy, or my brothers, or your family, or your classmates, or Ben? Do you think they also spend a significant amount of time gazing at the stars and wondering like we do? Do you? Because that’s what makes me think lately. I question this universe. I question the probability that everyone is deemed to reflect. Because now I don’t think that way anymore. I dont think that everyone in this world has the capacity, or at least the time and energy, to feel and choose to keep on feeling it. Because if that was the case, if everyone on earth acted and felt and wrote and thought like we do, then there wouldn’t be any broken hearts or shattered dreams. There wouldn’t be long arduous hours of wanting to just disappear. There wouldn’t be poverty, or chaos, or filth, or murder. There wouldn’t be a need for any quest for beauty and happiness, because all of it would be readily possessed and reflected by each of the individuals dwelling in this planet. But then I find this bad. I think that this life we live is really fated to be unpredictable, the love we feel unrequited, the things we do un-reciprocated and the death we fear unavoidable. And that is why people like us exist– so that the world can have a population of broken hearts that might never be mended… and of lost souls that may never be found. We are ones of the few, Nate. And we are also unlucky to some extent. But hey, here we are. And regardless of how we perceive our purpose here on earth to be, the only thing that we should focus on is what the universe conspired us to feel. And the bottomline of this out-of-this-world monologue is as follows:

  • 1. We, “The Unlucky Ones”, shall indulge in our own feelings and emotions as much as we have to. Because even though it’s exhilarating at times, it is also a GIFT. Not everyone has it.

    2. I value you. Nothing less than I value Drew, and Daniel, and Jerome, and everyone else whom I have talked deep talks with. If you know what I mean. I value you, Nate. Because I don’t think that the ability to ponder on life as much as we do is generally common. Now I realize that it’s not. And if this world’s condition is any indicator, then you have yourself an evidence. 

    3. If one day I’ll go crazy (like literally crazy), I’d be surprised if you aren’t as well. 

    With love, joy, despair and all things else in between,
    Kenn 

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3 thoughts on “The Unlucky Ones

  1. Kenn – something I’ve started doing a bit of thinking on is the idea or subject of ‘elites.’ You know, groups of like-minded individuals and the occasion of them often banding together and forming important alliances – much as you appear to be doing with Nate and some of your other close friends.

    Of course there are particular negative characteristics that attend any formation of an ‘elite’ group – and I suppose it would be the perennial or often-time troubling ‘us-versus-them’-type mentality – the so-called ‘chosen ones.’ And you just have to think of the similar mind-set of Hell’s Angels, say, or company CEO’s or similar executives, religious leaders or politicians – or even a competive sports team – and that identical, cookie-cutter mentality just shines right through.

    Your own ‘elite’ group, as you denote quite clearly, also has unfortunate or negative side-effects – and they pertain to the honest-to-goodness suffering you end up having to handle. I hate to hear you even mention the possibility of going crazy following such a pathway – but at least you’re being totally honest and pretty aware of particular possible consequences.

    I find you fortunate in also seeing the ‘gift’ side of things in your personal make-up, Kenn – and thank God for that. You’re also fortunate in apparently having good and close friends you seem to link up with really decently. I somewhat envy you that, me being more a true loner, finding little solace or true satisfaction in the type of relationships I too often find with the people I bump into in my life.

    I am encouraged, somewhat – in getting to know you, young man. I am enjoying and valuing your writing, your blogsite – and the intensity which you seem to be grabbing hold of in life.

    • I am sincerely delighted by your interest, Ian. Because I myself am really looking forward to reading your book. Regardless of your age, or of Jason’s age when you first met him, I am simply looking at the picture as a human being who had a genuine encounter with another human being at an attempt at love. And that, for me, is pricelessly beautiful.

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