Elevator Realities

My Symphony: Firesuite by Doves

I’m just putting this out there:

(read on if you either wanna love me more, or hate me more. either way it’s all good)

I just notice that lately, I have not been in the mood to talk a lot at all. I don’t know, I just feel like at some point you hit a wall and hurt your mouth so bad it bleeds and your tongue is paralyzed and your teeth and your jaw are all cracked and broken, and you just wanna shut the eff up because one, you’re so badly injured and two, you’re somehow not seeing the point of talking too much to people in general. I’m having that now. I’m having that here, in this country, in this cold rainy season, in this seemingly void of a labyrinth. I’m having that I-don’t-see-why-I-should-spend-too-much-energy-and-saliva-talking-to-you attitude. I just don’t get it sometimes, how people can stand minutes or even hours of small talks that have no other purpose but to make them sound smart, seem polite and look interesting. I always hated small talks, and even discussion classes. “I hated talking, and I hated listening to everyone else stumble on their words and try to phrase things in the vaguest possible way so they wouldn’t sound dumb, and I hated how it was all just a game of trying to figure out what the teacher wanted to hear and then saying it.” And that’s pretty much what most people do: THEY TALK AND TALK AND TALK AND TALK AND TALK. And then they head to their respective homes at the end of each day, and I doubt they feel anything but emptiness. As much as most of us don’t wanna admit it, we are only loud so we can fill in the silence within us. But that’s what i don’t get. I mean, why try so hard to break the silence? I like listening to silence. I think it says a lot.

Argh! I don’t really know what the bottom line of this whole thing is. But maybe there is no bottom line. Maybe I just have random thoughts all the time (like any human being) and I choose to write them down on a blank document and into the World Wide Web where people are pretty much free to say whatever the fck they want (which I think is how it should be in real life, too. you know, just to see how it goes). Because it’s like, you know, when you’re in an elevator with a bunch of strangers and they go like “So, what’s up?”, and then someone will be like “Not much”, and then another one goes like “Thank God It’s Friday, ei?” and then it’s the same fckin’ thing every goddamned fckin’ day in the elevator, and I just can’t help but think to myself: HOLY FUCK! Right here, before my eyes, is an unadulterated reality of human censorship! I know, deep in my guts, that those strangers in the elevator also wonder about life, and the nature of it, and death, and someone in there probably just got out of a five-year relationship, or had an aunt who just died a week ago, or read a novel and was greatly moved by it, or realized on that particular day the significance or lack of significance of circumcision, or religion, or sports, or literature or whatever! Probably one of those strangers just got in the elevator after a weird conversation she just had with her dad about considering abortion. Someone in that elevator must’ve awoken to a different light and was finally convinced he isn’t straight, or that he will quit his part-time job on that very day he set foot on the elevator. I’m sure of it! I’m sure everyone in that elevator has great stories to tell, deep wonders to wonder and vital questions to ask. And they could’ve asked, in the elevator, “So, anybody here doesn’t believe in love anymore?”, or “Anybody here wants to talk about break-ups and human relationships?”, or “Has life been fair to all of you here lately?”, or they could’ve said “FUCK TRAAANSLIIINK!” or break out into singing the same fuckin song they’ve been listening to for a week, and just wanna sing it in public, and dancing on the sidewalk while singing it. But instead they say “What’s up?”, or “Weather sucks, ei?” It’s like… it’s… it’s……………. sad.

Rules Of Social Behaviour. Something humans created in an attempt to generate a civilized, conventional, safe, organized, well-adjusted community. It’s just funny how when we look at anywhere in the world now there’s always shit and chaos.

And I know for a fact that I will be hated for writing this here. Or, if not hated, looked down on, criticized, irked by, annoyed at, thought of as an idiotic, delusional writer who’s too idealistic even for his own set of beliefs and perceptions that will never have any foothold in reality.

But it’s alright. A tiny little dot of a human being like myself can never really compete against the great RULES OF SOCIAL BEHAVIOR, now can he?

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