I am Not a Flawless Person

I am not a flawless person. Of this, I am sure.

I am not a flawless person, and my mind is a dark place with fire, devils and holes. I am not a part of any charity events because I am often too busy mixing lava with cotton candy in my hell.

I am not a flawless person. I do not have the perfect job, the perfect family, the perfect car and the perfect friends. My job is non-existent, my family is a whirlpool of erratic characters, my car is also non-existent, and my friends are sometimes just as lost as I am.

I am not a flawless person. I have a couple of scars on my body, and I sometimes fall asleep with an ache in my heart. I have issues, I have problems, I have a sickness beyond repair.

I am not a flawless person. Sometimes you will find me cris-crossing on the streets, falling off, tripping over, vomiting. I smoke, I drink, and I drink some more. I listen to Eminem, Kendrick Lamar, Childish Gambino and Nirvana. There are times when I hate everyone and everything because I feel like they’re so different, so sure about everything.

I am not a flawless person. I have commitment issues, because I am scared of a lot of things. I do not have a pleasing past. In fact, I have a dark past. And people do not like me for that. I often doubt if people could actually afford to let me in their doors and not lock me out forever after a while.

I am not a flawless person. I’m not dainty, intelligent or appropriate. I may appear like I am sometimes, but that’s called acting. Because really, nobody wants to deal with sad and angry people, now does he?

I am not a flawless person. I’m not really cool, rich and popular. I do not own properties and I do not have the perfect face and body. Now what’s flawed about that? It’s the fact that I take pride in being inside my own skin. I like being who I am and what I am because this way, I get to be extreme without being pretentious. And that’s what drives people nuts, isn’t it? Authenticity. It’s a rare skill nowadays.

I am not a flawless person. I am vindictive, rebellious, ruthlessly expressive and sometimes brutally nonchalant and oblivious.

I am not a flawless person, because I’ve grown up being used to mistakes and failures. I’ve never been a perfectionist, and I’ve never really felt the need to please other people. So you may say I am flawed, simply because I do not give a flying fuck about how I look under the public eye. You may say I am flawed because I’ve hurt people, and it’s bizarre that I sometimes do not feel sorry for them.

I am not a flawless person. I won’t be anyone’s prince charming or knight in shining armor because that’s just not who I am. I am not a warrior, a cop or a lawyer. I am not a doctor or a shrink. I am me, and a million other things come with that, just like a million other things come with being anyone that you truly are in this world.

I am not a flawless person, and I have disappointed a lot of people.

I am not a flawless person.

I’m just not.

But I am glad I’m not.

Being flawed is how I’ve kept myself alive all these years. But you know what the best thing about being flawed is?

You get to live, not just exist.

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