I’m Going Home

My Symphony: Home by Daughtry
I don’t regret this life I chose for me,
But these places and these faces are getting old…


Maybe that’s the best part of going away for a vacation – coming home again. ― Madeleine L’Engle, Meet the Austins

This is it. In less than 24 hours, I’ll be on a plane back home. 

Damn. Typing that out just literally sent chills down my spine. There is something about the word “home” that is very powerful in a comforting way. And that’s what I am feeling right now – this almost indescribable feeling of danger and safety. It’s been a long time coming, and now here I am. My bags are all packed, and I am more than ready to go.

The weeks and the months that have led me to this moment hadn’t been smooth-sailing, though. There was a lot of stress, a lot of anxiety, a lot of reckless daydreaming and a lot of uphill battles with the people around me and with myself. But I have to say it was all worth it. We take every experience, big or small, and learn from it tremendously.

When I left the Philippines two and a half years ago, I left with one goal in mind: to find whatever it was that I was always looking for. Halfway through high school, I developed this irrepressible longing to leave – leave the city I’m in, leave the people I’m with, leave the life I live. My “past life” (for a lack of a better term) was byzantine, to say the least. I made a lot of mistakes, disappointed loved ones, broke my friends’ trust, caused a lot of emotional trouble and took for granted all the things and moments I now wish I could have back. And instead of facing the world and trying to repair the damaged, I decided to walk away and leave everything behind. And I did that because that’s what I had been wanting to do all along; I wanted to start over, strongly believing that there was another place out there for me which I could call home.

I was wrong. 

I think everybody should leave his or her hometown and go somewhere far at least once in his or her life. Not only is there a myriad of things and life lessons to learn Out There, Out There also makes you appreciate In Here, in a way no other place can. And to me, it’s been an exhilarating ride so far.

Everytime a friend or a family member asks me ,”So when are you visiting the Philippines?” or “Hey Kenn, are you going back here in Bacolod for a vacation soon?”, there’s always this part of me that cringes for some reason. It’s like my heart turns gray and my entire upper body shrinks, and all I want to do is run away screaming like a lunatic. I don’t know, I guess up until now I’ve never really accommodated “visiting the Philippines” as an acceptable oxymoron. Phrases like visit home and vacation in Bacolod sound disturbingly self-contradictory to me. So let us make one thing clear:

I’m not “going on a vacation”; I’m going home.

It’s as simple and as truthful and as accurate as that.

I look at Vancouver and the world that I’ve somehow built here for myself. I look at the bed I’ve been sleeping in for many months; I can see its edges and its weight take up a portion of the wooden floor. I look at our kitchen and then I look inside the refrigerator; I see a dozen eggs with one that’s broken, along with my brother’s sliced cheese which he always reminds us is expensive. I look at the living room; I look at the ceiling, my mom’s new carpet, the big red cushions and the television, which has started to look noticeably old despite its newness. I look inside my closet; I look at the big black bag in which I carefully stuffed all of my notes and physical memories from college. I look at my cat, Dunkley; I see him in the biggest and fattest he’s ever been; I see him groggily walk towards his favorite spot on one of our red-and-white dining chairs, and I see him yawn, stretch, stare devilishly into the air and lull himself back to sleep. And then I look at my pile of luggage sitting tall and proud in one corner of my room. For the first time in a long time, I feel like myself again.

This is why this chapter is very important to me. The farther I’ve been from home, the closer I’ve felt to it. And at these times when I often feel lost and unsure of who I’ve become, I find it crucial to go back to my roots and refresh things a little bit. The people I’ve met and the experiences I’ve had here have all been climactic, and I can never be grateful enough for the opportunity to get to know life and the world around me from such a different perspective. But the time has come. For at least the next two months, I will be in my hometown, the small city of Bacolod. For at least the next two months, I will be breathing a familiar air under a familiar sky. For at least the next two months, I will be storing my clothes and my books in a room inside a house which my feet and my heart have known since I was little. And for at least the next two months, I will be not here, but there.

And there is waiting.

See you soon. 


My Symphonies:
The Scientist by Coldplay
When the Stars Go Blue by Tyler Hilton and Bethany Joy
Flames to Dust (All Good Things) by Nelly Furtado
Wave Goodbye by Steadman


Maybe it’s true. Maybe the easiest things to hold on to are also the hardest ones to let go of. Maybe we indeed meet some people along the way who earn a permanent place in our hearts. Maybe it’s definite that the people with the greatest impact in our lives usually stay for the shortest time. But maybe sometimes, letting go is our only option, and a so-called flames-to-dust drama is an inevitable consequence.

Seven months ago, I entered UP without knowing that my staying there will be but a very short one. Seven months ago, I faced another chapter of my life which came after high school. Everyone is familiar with it by the term “college”. Now the thing is that college isn’t all “ticket to success” for me as much as it is for some other people. College isn’t just a matter of earning a degree for myself as well as gaining reputation. In my case, college is also the perfect gate to new beginnings. My high school life, I used to say, was perfect. But I take that back now. I only said that because I was feeling rather anxious about the total difference of my previous schools to UP. As a matter of fact, I must say that my high school life had also been full of hardships and pain especially in the social aspect. My very short stay in UP, however, proved that it is possible to gain true new friends in a very short time. My UP friends, whom I am fond of calling my Good Friends*, are a perfect epitome of what high school had been sugar-coating the whole time back then and what college can never afford to conceal. They made me realize that it doesn’t really matter how much time you’ve spent with someone. It isn’t the duration of “friendship” that counts but the truthfulness of the relationship. I’m sorry to break this to some people, but I know for sure that only very few people from my high school life made it to my “friends list” until now. This goes to show that a lot of people didn’t really go the extra mile to save the ship which is in our case, friendship. Well I’m not saying that I made a whole bunch of friends in UP. In fact, I can pretty much confidently say that I consider only a dozen of good friends there, and only three very close ones. So why am I here? I am here because I believe that everyone deserves a proper closure. I know I wasn’t really able to properly say my goodbyes to the Miami people when I visited there last November 8. So I am taking this chance and this moment to seal the envelope of memories with sentiments of both calm and rage.

To those of you who don’t know yet, the answer is YES. I already made my honorable exit from the University of the Philippines-Visayas  last month. I decided to spend three days there before I finally left that place for good. The whole stay had actually been dramatic and physically exhausting. But there are still some people to whom I haven’t addressed my goodbyes yet. Ladies and gentlemen, I will now officially begin my curtain speech.

37147_161569313863527_800785_nUPV Faculty and Staff. First, I just wanna say that even though I am not that close to each and everyone of you, and even though I didn’t reach the point where you all know me for my achievements because I already left before that might have happened, I will still miss all of you, for I know that UP teachers don’t offer merely class lessons but also genuine education (well, at least most of the UP teachers). I loved it when I realized that if I decided to study in some other schools who claim they are “the best”, I must had taken very lame tests all over again. You know, the tests which require mere memorization and not really understanding. But you really have it sizzling right on the frying pan! I cannot remember a single test which didn’t make me turn my brain cells on for the go. I must say that I now believe what the other students of UP say:  Our teachers aren’t just teachers. They are MENTORS and PROFESSORS who will either make us or break us… either way, for a better future. To the registrar’s office, I know you’re all hot-tempered especially when it’s your lunch break. I even came to a point where I almost had enough with your pagmamaldita, but I controlled myself, all because I know you’re just in that certain stage of some sort of menopausal. Oops. However, I will miss dealing with you all. All those processing, going back and forth from one building to another, all of it. I couldn’t have entered and exited UP without your help and for that, I thank all of you. The OUR, the Office of Student Affairs and even the Residence and Health Services Unit. Ciao, UP faculty and staff.

34156_1412184103394_1264397_nHumanities Division (Skimmers) EXECOM, Upperclassmen, Faculty and Staff. I know not everyone of you likes me. Actually, I feel like most of you are still irked so much by the fact that I didn’t submit to what you had been expecting me to submit to since the day I stepped into the HumDiv Faculty Office. I am sorry for what I haven’t done for you but the truth is, I am not sorry for what I did for myself, which is to follow my heart and be myself. The reality is I never really join cheerdance competitions or anything that require yelling while doing awkward gestures, especially when I knew that UP way of cheering isn’t really like cheering at all. It’s all full of insults, self-praise and a very fierce thirst for a GRANDSLAM. Well, I won’t say any more of my feelings against that. The point is, I have the right to choose NOT to involve myself in what you guys really think is important. I have my own will because on the first place, it is human nature to be free. And unfortunately for you, I am not really the type who conforms too much to other people’s wants and needs. I have my own sentiments. I just don’t share them with most of you. As with the Hinugyaw Competition, I honestly felt like I just can’t deal with people like F***** that time. I’ve met a lot of modelling directors like him, and they all didn’t stand a chance against my impatient ego. I’d rather quit the ramp than hate everyone. Well, as with the upperclassmen, I know you all are annoyed with me. I heard all the back stabbing you’ve done. All those rumors, those mind games and those mean labels were able to land on my ears, don’t worry. I just wanna give you a little advice:  stop being so bitter already. MOVE ON. Okay? It’s not like I killed you or something. I will miss your arched brows and inconsiderate chats. That’s for sure. To my mentors, Ma’am Jayne Barcelona, Prof. Beth Vargas and Prof. Celia Parcon, I will really take everything I learned from you with me. Ma’am Jayne, thanks for being so light and seemingly fresh in teaching us the Fundamentals of English. Our class is surely unforgettable. It didn’t even seem like English1. It was more of Gymnastics, Soccer, Acting class and Education courses combined last semester. I will truly miss you. Prof. Parcon, I will never forget what you told me last time. Thanks, and God bless you. I will miss you all, Skimmers!

40599_150177391659566_4665969_nCMS People. I know I’m not close to everyone of you, but we all share the same passion. I know that if I stayed there, I would have gotten to know some of you a little more. But since this is it for me, I just wanna tell you this: ROCK ON, guys. Do good with your endless productions next year.

44385_1440490612615_8171609_nMOANERS, Coleen, Drew, Kath, Froi, Esth and even Celina… I will miss the six of you. Col, I will miss your loudness and non-stop talking. Drew, thanks for the book and for the friendship. Same thing goes to you, Kath. I will truly treasure the time when we did a shoot at Boardwalk. That was really memorable. I’m sorry if I wasn’t able to drink with you after the shoot. But you know what they say:  when it comes to parties, there is always a NEXT TIME. I will miss the noise we make every CMS11 class.  Our group is the “Back of the Class” rocker. That’s all I can say.

36970_1261538073400_883505_nHall One Residents:  The Lampiririts. I can never forget the day I first stepped on the grounds of our lovely dorm. Up until now, just the thought of Hall One walls sends a certain sting to my heart. Even though there had been several conflicts and issues between me and the other dormers, I must say that what I’ve experienced in Balay Lampirong is truly a home away from home. Despite the fact that I hadn’t been an active dormer (not to mention a conforming one), I actually feel sad that I am leaving that place. When I visited there last week, I kept on telling Esther and Miguel that something is weird in the dorm. Later that week, I figured that what’s weird is that I’m leaving the very place where I learned to accept other people as they are, mingle with people having different personalities and even wash my clothes and fix my bed every morning. What’s weird is that I’m leaving the very place where I learned to appreciate simple fancies and trips like watching tv with about 20+ other people in the lobby, doing movie marathons in the mini library and surfing the net with 30+ other people surfing too… under one roof… during midnight.  Marlo, Gwen, MJ, Kuya Justin, Mamita, Kuya Roy, you guys are some people who made me feel at home in Hall One. Thanks for that. Gwen, thanks for encouraging me not to give up when I said that I’ll quit UP just before enrolling. You and MJ take care of each other, okay? I know that brighter days are ahead for the dubbed “Best Dorm” in UP.


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GOOD FRIENDS, I’m just sad to say that the end isn’t near… it’s here. But in every ending comes a new beginning. As for us, it isn’t goodbye, though. It’s only farewell.

Angelica, we hadn’t spent much time together compared to our other good friends, but I just wanna thank you for your bubbly aura, your frank personality and your on-the-go spirit. You also helped our group survive in some ways. And whatever you think you thought you knew or whatever, keep it a mystery. 🙂

Jevi, I will miss those days during the first few weeks of college. I remember I told you that in the group, the two of us are the only people who share the same Bacolod accent. *laughs.  Anyway, Jev, you are a very loud person, and I like it that way. Be yourself. I know our good friends accept anyone in the group for whoever or whatever he or she is.  🙂  Thanks for being one of those people who took the risk of talking to me during enrolment. Not everyone has the courage to do that, to tell you honestly. HEHE. Take care, jev. I’ll miss you. See you around Bacolod on December and on summer.

Froilene, I’m sorry if I kind of stole your bestfriend from you. HAHA. No, I’m just kidding. But seriously, I will miss our Hinugyaw practices and our everyday mixing and matching of clothes. I can’t even count the number of times we’ve been mistaken to be under initiation because of our O.A. outfits. Powerdressing to the highest level was our casual thing. Thanks for being there. You are a good person, fro. I wonder what’s up for the Best Female Model this sem. Hehe. No matter what happens, I do hope for a healthier relationship between you and James. 🙂

Jonnah, the net girl of the group, the pizza provider, the go nuts donuts provider, the I-don’t-care-if-there’s-class-tomorrow chick of the group… uhmm. What else? Well there are many names and tags for you, but I consider only one which stands out: a TRUE FRIEND. Jon, I will never ever forget the times when we talk about how we hate studying and those times when we convince our friends to stop studying and watch some more movies and do sweat-free stuff like eating, listening to music, facebook-ing and simply sitting down and talking. I will miss the fine, fresh, fierce Jonnah. Take care, Jon. Say my regards to your ate. I’ll miss you.

Kriz, you are one of the few people in UP whom I really consider as trustworthy and nice. Wait. You aren’t even nice. You are GREAT. You have a pure heart which surely worked in our group’s bond. I will never forget how much you defended one of our good friends when she got into a “fight” with an upperclassman. I will miss our sing-along and our lip sync sessions in mini lib and pretty much everywhere we go. I’ll always remember “don’t you wish that you could be a fly on the wall?!.. a sneaky little creepy little fly on the wall?!”. HAHA. That was so fun back then. I’ll miss our 90210 marathons while Jonnah and Mike are fighting on the other end of the table in the library. I’ll miss our “Did you know” sessions. I’ll miss the way we used to exchange words of wisdom and most of all, I’ll miss the feeling of real friendship when I’m with you. You know, that feeling when you can completely be yourself with someone and call that person a friend. That’s what it’s like with you, Kriz. I will really have you in my memory forever.

Mike, you are my first friend in college. I remember last May, when we were talking about some stuff I picked from a magazine I gave you… it felt like we were the only freshmen boys in the dorm! HAHA. Well, I can say that it’s true. We agree on a lot of things, and that’s how we came to be buddies. I’ll miss the gamer and the WTH-is-wrong-with-Ma’am-Pison guy. *laughs. Mostly, I’ll miss the way you talk. Seriously. I find it very entertaining when you start to speak. I don’t even know why. HAHA. Well, I wanna tell you this:  this semester, try your best to be hooked up on studies, but I’m not saying you should totally forget about fun. Mix fun and school and you’ll surely be the COOLEST University Scholar this semester. *wink

Paul, I’ll miss you so much talaga. It really was heart-warming back then. You accompanied me for lunch and dinner when I had no one else to go with. You really took time to walk with me and just watch me eat even when you had exams the other day and even when you’d already eaten. I would knock on your door and say “Paul, kain tayo”. Then you would stop doing you assignment and go with me. By the moment we reached CDH or Lola’s you’d simply go find a seat for me and I’ll ask “Paul, hindi ka kakain?” and you would respond saying “Hindi, tapos na’ko. Sinamahan lang kita”. Well, that’s something I rarely experience with a friend or with anyone else. I’ll also miss the way we put other people OP with our dramatic scenes. I will truly miss our acting portions. Do you remember that time when you just came out of the bathroom and told me “So, nagkakalat ka na pala ng issues ngayon?” I responded with a shocked voice. “Ano? What do you mean?” Then you said “Sa susunod, kung magkakalat ka ng chismis, yung parang totoo naman. Para may maniwala sa’yo”. After you said that I figured you were just acting, and we both laughed like hyenas. You still had your toiletries in your left hand that time and your towel above your head! HAHA. Sighs. I will miss you, Paul Tj Collantes

Lester, I actually never thought before that I would even talk to you or exchange hi’s and hello’s with you. But your stay in Hall One changed everything I thought I knew about you. That “mahangin at misteryosong” Jake Cuencang galit (as Nikko would say) turned out to be one of the most down-to-earth, compassionate, open guys with only the coolest personality. That awkward first talk we had after you got out of the shower was totally a memorable one. To top it all, I am grateful to have a very expressive guy friend like you. Most of my boy buddies aren’t really that open at all. This is why I will miss each of our conversations. Those late night talks, those confessions of problems and those College Humor and Happy Tree Friends videos will really be in my treasure box. I have several things to thank you for. Thank you for making me feel still at home in room 23 during those times when I wasn’t really feeling like being in room 23 at all. You know what I mean, and everyone knows what I mean. Thank you for constantly reminding me to forget about my haters and concentrate on the people who care about me. Thank you for telling me something that I’m not sure if you still remember. It was when we were in Bentoy’s with Esther and Nikko. We were drinking and we started confessing our far-fetched dreams. I told mine and you interrupted saying “You know, that’s not really far-fetched for you, Kenn”. These words appear plain and simple, but no one else has any idea how that one made me hold on to my dreams. Most of all, thanks for believing in me when I didn’t even believe in myself. I will miss you, random dude of UPV, and I will see you soon, buddy.

Esther, you have practically written two letters for me in one month all because you knew that I will leave sooner or later. Well, this won’t even be about the letters you’ve written. This is about a person who haven’t only been my closest girl  friend in college but has also been a sister, a mother, a father and even a brother to me. Everyone knows how close we are, Es. Even our classmates would really get curious and amazed if they saw either of us walking along the hallways without the other. We were partners in crime and on top of that, I feel like it’s safe to say that we were a dynamic duo. We had many things and trips other people don’t and will never understand and figure out. If I will talk about the things I’ll miss about you, I can write a book. Literally. The truth is you were one of the few people who made me feel “not alone” in an eerie and lonely municipality like Miag-ao. As for the things I’ll miss, I’ll name some. I’ll miss the funny faces we make—faces no other person can actually comprehend. I’ll miss our major major famous expressions—expressions which have gotten popular, but never really mastered by any other person but the two of us. I’ll miss our plastic smiles, our arching of eyebrows, our friendly mocks at each other and of course, our undying tag lines like nami ka, nami ta, sige guys, wow submissive, wow supportive, indi nako, mapatay ko, shet lamig, awwwwwh and oh really?! I’ll miss our endless talks in the mini library. I’ll miss our pangaway sa tricycle and even sa dorm. HAHA. I’ll miss bugaw-ing you to random guys like R, L, and the other R. Gets? Go figure. Oh and J pa gali. LOL. Hehe. I’ll miss our laughs, your teenage drama, your bitter bitteran moments with our good friends, which were of course just part of the act. I’ll miss Saturdays in SM with you, especially that time when we went out with the USA people. I’ll miss our hultanay portion in the lobby. I’ll miss our trying hard fights, our “review” portion everytime there is a quiz or an exam, our constant and consequent snacks everyday and I’ll miss your marshmallows. I’ll miss your butterfly shirt, your eyeglasses, your handwriting (so adorable. HAHA. Joke), your mp4, your bag (especially ang Dickies), your blue shoes… and all that’s in your closet and in your bag including your crumpled hand-outs. Sigh. Ask me what else I’ll miss and I’ll say “Everything”. I am more than thankful to have  a friend like you, Es. I am just here whenever you need a friend. I’ll never move. That’s for sure. I miss you, Blair Waldorf of Good Friends. Thanks for sharing such a fruitful friendship with me last semester. Four years!  🙂  *wink

Miguel, as I am typing this now, we are still in a fight which pretty much everyone considers shallow. Well, that’s because no one knows the real reason why I am so upset about the issue. But I am not here to dwell on that debate right now. I am typing a farewell message for you because we are brothers, and brothers fight. This will come and go, but one thing won’t—our brotherhood. I’ve started writing this curtain speech last week. Last Monday, I finished writing Lester and Esther’s part, and it took me several days to continue writing this entry. Now, I just felt like it’s about time I bring this procrastination to an end and start composing my message to you. Migz, we started out as strangers introduced to each other by Mike. Weeks went on and on until I found myself getting close to you. I started helping you out with your essays, and you began joining me for lunch and dinner (since I don’t take breakfast on schooldays). If there’s one thing that I can say to you and want you to remember for the rest of your life is that you are one of the VERY few people whom I have considered as my brother—my little brother. My closest friends back in high school know that one of my greatest dreams is to have a baby brother. If you only have any idea how much I envy my friends who bring along their younger siblings in school, hold them by their arms when they attempt to run away and yell at them caringly when they misbehave. I used to always say that since my fantasies of having a biological little brother is getting hopeless, I would just find one of my own among my friends. And it has all been a success. God somehow granted my prayers. I’ve seen a brother in you, Migz, and I’m not sure who the elder one between us is. I admit I can be very immature at times, but that doesn’t change the fact that I’ve treated you like a brother for the past four months. And knowing that I will be away from you is equivalent to the feeling of being away from a family. I’ll miss every little thing we do together or simultaneously—watching movies, brushing our teeth, taking a shower (in separate cubicles, of course), eating dinner with the rest of our Good Friends, eating pancit canton at midnight, our very confidential talks about my life, love life and my past, our daily “heart2heart” talks about the tragedies of our lives, mini library moments, our constant fights (we sure quarrel a lot, don’t we?), surfing the net, getting water from the dispenser, taking out the dirty laundry to Manang Cynthia, walking along the hallways of hall1 while everyone is looking at us like we’re aliens (HAHA) and teasing each other to random girls (including the not-so-attractive ones. Haha). I will even miss that feeling when we are seen by people together and they all have some close-minded and juvenile speculation as they look at us laugh together or walk together without saying anything. Honestly, I will miss leaving other people with an enigmatic aura the both of us bring. HAHA. Well, whatever they say or whatever they think they know, WE KNOW BETTER (wink). Plus, they are just jealous because they don’t get to have a very cool friendship like ours. I won’t be writing any more for you, BATA. I’ve already told you my sentiments, and I will tell you more personally. 🙂 Just take care. I know you’ll find a new “kind of” me there in Miami. Just learn to mingle with other people, okay? I’ve always told you that it won’t hurt to try to socialize. I will see you in the future. I will miss you, bro.

Good friends, I know it’s never enough to say “goodbye” and “I’ll miss you”. Until now, I am left with pieces of you which disable me to shake our memories together. You will all forever be in my heart.

As for the rest of the UPV people, I want to thank all of you. Yes. All of you— including those who hate me. I wanna thank you for playing you respective roles in this chapter of my life very well. 🙂

Now here goes my evanescence.


Mi Ultimo Adios: My Curtain Speech

My Tune: Love Alone by Caedmon’s Call

Yesterday, I made a very crucial decision. Yesterday, I clearly saw that it’s not everyday that one person can just pick up where he left off.

I agree that sometimes, simply saying goodbye to something that can never seem to be right is way much better than hopelessly waiting for it to actually be finally right.

Everyone has a certain past life. Everyone makes mistakes.

But not everyone’s past life is perfect, and not everyone’s mistakes are corrected. Some stick to their past and desperately try to relive it, while some move on, hoping to start a new beginning.

I? I choose to give my curtain speech herein.

I believe that I have two kinds of speech in my mind that I’m planning to deliver. The first one, is this- the written remark. The second, is the visual remark- the one I will give both deliberately and randomly.

Here is my written remark.

So I was talking about yesterday. This is because it was yesterday when I decided to clear things up in my mind. I bet everyone who’s close to me knows how my past life isn’t really that smooth-sailing. I believe it’s about time I put an end to some things that I know will never have a space in my life.

Do you know the feeling of wanting something or someone so badly but you know for yourself that there is no way that you’ll ever have it or that person? Do you know the feeling of obsessing with something or someone that on the first place, isn’t even close to being in like with you? Do you know how it is to wonder why good things just simply come to an end without even showing signs and signals? Most importantly, do you know how it is to live with love alone? Because I do.

Right now, I just want to laugh with bliss because finally, I’ve given myself a present like never before; that finally, I made a decision using both my heart and my mind; that finally, I found the place where I know I can start something fresh and wonderful.

I came to think that there’s just more to living life than waiting for something to come. I believe I should keep on taking chances. I believe that I should keep on telling myself that I should let other people take a way into my life. I came to think that there are still other beautiful things that are waiting for me to embrace them. Take for example the evening showers. They are the ones, not the catastrophic hurricanes and tsunamis, that make the green grasses grow healthily, but they get no publicity. Sigh. I guess before now, I lacked the understanding of the existing fact that big things indeed come from small packages. Now, I just want to make everything up to myself. I’ll fill the spaces in my life with little, but beautiful, things.

Plus, I realized that waiting for something which you know doesn’t deserve your longing is like dancing under the rain. It somehow feels good, but you know it’s going to make you sick like hell.

And looking back, I was just as sick. So now, I’m taking my medicine, which in my case, is a new beginning.

Everyone can move on. It’s just that not everyone chooses to.

In my watch, I will not be the “everyone” who’ll stay a martyr forever. I’m telling you, I am The Strong One. The Brave One. The Invulnerable One.

You’ll see. I can bounce back.

I’ll embark on a new journey [ I know, I know. It’s cliche’! haha! So what?!]. What is important is that I know that I can move along.

This is goodbye to every single thing and person in my life that actually made no sense in it. This is goodbye to every big thing that hadn’t even offered any genuine happiness. This is goodbye to those sleepless nights, those sympathetic longings… those good-for-nothing midsummer night’s dreams.

I’ll embrace something fresh, new and beautiful.

I believe, I believe.

This, my last farewell, I give to you, with a lifted head and a sinister smile.