The World According To Kenn Tenorio and 77 Pieces of Advice On Life, Love and Everything in Between, Coming From the Old People

My Symphonies:

  • Drag / Day Wave
  • Nothing At All /Day Wave
  • Lanterns / Birds of Tokyo
  • Taking Over / Joe Goddard

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We are here, you and me, right now, in this wonderful and chaotic place called Earth. And there are so many of us. Sooo many. So far, the general approximation is 7.2 billion and counting. Can you imagine that? There are more than 7 billion people breathing in this oblate spheroid at the moment. And each day, an average of 353,000 babies are born into this world to join our humanity. On the other hand, roughly 160,000 people die everyday. Every.Day. Isn’t that crazy? The statistics alone are enough to disturb us, scare us and maybe move us in some way, whether positively or negatively.

But lucky for us, we aren’t just here to make up those statistics. We are alive, and each of us has his own story to tell. We aren’t just here so that one day we can either give birth or pass away in order for the statistics to remain interesting. We are here for a reason, regardless of what that reason really is, or if you even believe there is one.

So 7.2 billion. To me, that’s a lot. I mean, I go to SM City Bacolod (which is a relatively tiny mall in my tiny hometown) and I go ballistic over the number of people that make up the crowd there, especially on Sundays. I literally sometimes get excessively infuriated by crowds. There are just times when you’re like “What in the eff is happening right now? Like WHY ARE THERE SOOO MANY PEOPLE?!?!!” And usually I just rush to run whatever errands I need to run in that mall and then I go for the nearest exit. And it really fascinates me how I can be so overwhelmed and stressed out sometimes by the number of people strolling in a nearby local mall, but when I take a look at the bigger picture, it’s nothing compared to the total of people that comprise the human race at the moment… 7.2 billion people.

… 7.2 billion people, yet we are so far away. So far away from each other, so far away from other people’s lives, other people’s cultures, other people’s griefs and joys. But when you think about it, we are one. We are one yet we are separated, scattered. We have gotten so used to life being a cycle that can be lived by following some rules and standards. We have become so accustomed to this process of waking up and surviving each day, trying to make ends meet, or trying to become better than we were yesterday, or competing with others, or gearing towards being successful. Life has become more of a marathon – a race – where money and success is what globally matters. We pass by people on the streets never really acknowledging that they, too, are humans just like us. That they, too, have lives and stories and friends and lovers and bittersweet pasts. For me, it is safe to say that we are the most selfish generation to date. And there are so many things that serve as distractions and deception these days. Technology hasn’t been a big help, either. I mean, don’t get me wrong – technology is great. It really is. I think it’s fetch. Super fetch. But technology has gotten to a point where it is so much of a convenience that it is becoming an inconvenience. I think you know what I mean. If not, here’s a basic example: Ever felt the need to sleep but you just find yourself at 4AM still scrolling away at your Facebook or Instagram feed? Exactly.

We are so caught up in our own little world that we forget to live. We are all just so busy. Gosh, do you even see how busy people are these days? And the most depressing part about being busy for me is that it is actually being globally viewed as a form of an asset, or an appealing attribute. Busy people wear their busy-ness like a golden medal even on their off-day. As if being busy makes you better than someone who lives a less hectic lifestyle. You greet someone and ask how they’ve been, and then he or she instantly feels the need to say things like “I’ve been so busy lately, it’s driving me crazy. But, you know, I’ve been well”. I know I already talked deeply about this back in 2012 in my article called We Are Very Busy People, but I just have to say something just to reiterate the general idea: being so busy is absolutely unnecessary. People think it’s necessary, but it isn’t. It isn’t even attractive, for me at least.

I am just feeling so strongly about this because I know that when it comes to the way the world works and the way that society operates, the numbers are not in my favor. I sit on the minority side of this topic. Even my closest friends and family know this. But they are exactly the reason why I always feel so compelled to share my insights to the world and to a lot of people. The more I grow up, the more I realize that I will never be understood and accepted the way that I truly need to be understood and accepted. And the more I realize that I will never be understood and accepted enough, the more I am empowered to keep on living this life the way that I know I want to.

People have called me a lot of things: a spoiled brat, a directionless immature slut, a lost puppy, a loose air, an un-contained chaos and a disaster waiting to happen. And I’m not angry at anyone for calling me any of those names. Had I been in their shoes and had I grown up with their thinking, I would call me those things too. But see, I’m not them. I am me. And in this world full of outside factors just wanting you to do what everyone else is doing, I know how important it is for me to keep it real. To wake up each day reminding myself of who I am, so I can consciously stay that way.

So life is pretty much a battle for me these days, simply because it is a constant struggle between following my heart and following what is “normal”, “right” and “rational”. To be completely honest, I am very solid in my ultimate life goal of becoming a ‘beach bum’ one day. It really is my only goal in life. I can write a whole book about this, but the basic, most straightforward explanation behind this is this: I love the beach, and I love sunsets, and I love tropical drinks and people whose best talents include meaningful conversations and appreciating the little things in life. I just love it. So why would I wanna live a life that I do not love?

But it’s not that simple. Contrary to popular belief, living the simple life is actually the toughest goal to achieve, especially if you come from a middle or upper-class family. Upper-class children are born into wealth and are therefore used to luxury and excess and most of them don’t even have an idea of what “simple” really means. Middle-class children, on the other hand, are mostly the most driven children on this planet. They aren’t poor, but they don’t have a lot of riches, either. So the general notion is that they wonder what it’s like to be on the greener side of the fence, to be rich, to have it all – they wonder what it’s like to have unlimited credit cards and unlimited yacht parties somewhere in France or Italy every summer. But that’s the thing: Middle-class people always wonder what it’s like to be “up there”, but they never wonder what it’s like to be “down there”. To live simply. To wake up not to jobs and a list of people to impress, but simply to wake up to the sunrise, the clouds, the birds and the trees. To breathe the fresh air in and look up to be reminded that you are whole no matter what.

That being said, becoming a beach bum requires a lot of work from me. But hey, I’m on it. Every single day that I affirm to myself that I am still the me that I know, gets me one step closer to my goal. I’ll be honest, I wanna leave everything behind sometimes. Just drop everything and continue on to the life that I want to live. For my own. For myself alone. If it were just completely up to me right now, I would literally pack my things right now and go on a really cheap tour to nowhere and let life happen to me. I think that’s where most people go wrong. They always feel like they should do things – a lot of things – so that their lives can matter. But what they don’t realize is that your life DOES matter. And it always will, whether or not you kill yourself over the obligations and goal-chasing that you think you need. You don’t need shit. You don’t always have to be the one that makes the waves. Sometimes you just gotta ride the waves and take time to enjoy the beauty that is our planet. Nature. Love. Poetry.

So why am I still here somehow trying to do some of the things that are expected of me? Simple. I love my friends and I love my family. When it comes down to it, their presence in my life matters to me. And even though they do not exactly share the same perspective on life, I love them to bits and pieces, and I just don’t want them to think that they failed as a parent, or a brother, or a friend to me just because I have life goals that to them seem silly. I need to take this process slowly because not everyone has the instant capability to connect with me about this on a soul-level. The general assumption would be that I am a hipster, which is what I am most irked by. Just because I love the beach and hate society doesn’t mean I’m a hipster. Ok, people? But if you really are THAT obsessed with labels, knock yourselves out. Call me whatever.

So in the mean time, while I’m waiting for that perfect time and that adequate amount of strength to reach my ultimate life goal, I’ve decided to do a research on old people. There’s really something about old people that has always intrigued me. If there’s a specific group of people that I openly label under some category, it would be the elderly. And nope, it’s so not under a derogatory light in any way, whatsoever. Here’s the deal. I love old people. If you come to think of it, they are the only ones around here that have lived long enough to know shit that we don’t. That’s just the most basic logic. With age comes wisdom. Generally speaking. And in one way or another, I do believe that old people are the most trustworthy of all of the age groups. Both them and little children.

So I’ve been reading a lot of articles and watching a lot of interviews about the elderly, specifically about their thoughts on life, love and the way that our world works. I happened to come across really interesting findings, so I decided to compile herein quotes I’ve gotten from my research. Fellas, I now present to you… The Top 77 Pieces of Life Advice From The Elderly:

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77  Pieces of Advice On Life, Love and Everything in Between

(from the elderly’s point of view)

1.“Invest in moments and experiences, not in things or properties. It’s not like you can be in your death bed someday and go “why is my condo unit in The Century not here with me right now?! I need it. I’m dying”. Invest in moments and experiences. Because moments and experiences become memories. And memories will never leave you, even when you’re old or dying. It’s the one thing that will be with you until your last second of consciousness, I believe.”

2.“Don’t look at the calendar. Just keep celebrating every day.”

3.“I make myself go out every day, even if it’s only to walk around the block. The key to staying young is to keep moving. Besides, later on in life, you will only wish you went out and moved more often”.

4. “Exercise, to me, is totally unnecessary. I think it’s mostly overrated. Stay active, and try to do it through experiences that you will remember someday, not some workout routine that you’ve memorized like the back of your hands.”

5. Have as many sex as possible. When you grow old, it is your sex drive and sexual capability that leave you, so take advantage of it while it’s still yours to have.”

6. “Fall in love, get married. Sex is to be encouraged.”

7.“Even if you feel hatred, keep it to yourself. Don’t hurt other people for any reason.”

8.“Don’t ever give up on love.”

9. “Nobody else controls you.”

10.”Travel while you’re young and able. Don’t worry about the money, just make it work. Experience is far more valuable than money will ever be.”

11.“If you are embarrassed to be dating someone, you should not be dating them.”

12.“Do one thing each day that is just for you.”

13.“Forgive.”

14.“Find your passion and live it.”

15.“Most time things will figure themselves out.”

16.“Have a pet. Life gets lonely sometimes. Pets are reminders of how we’re all living things.”

17.“Take time to mourn what you’ve lost.”

18.“Keep going and never give up.”

19.“Life is fun. It’s all up to the person. Be satisfied. You don’t have to be ‘happy’ all the time, you need to be satisfied.”

20.“Love people. Find something to like about the person—it’s there—because we’re all just people.”

21.“Get a great education. That is something that no one can take away from you.”

22.“If you’re positive you can get through it OK. When you think negatively, you’re putting poison on your body. Just smile. They say laughter is the best medicine there is.”

23.“For years I would not take any medicines at all. I don’t think they do much, and lots of times the doctor is using you as a guinea pig.”

24.“Just go ahead and do your thing no matter what.”

25.“Have lots of people in the house and lots of different kinds of people—young, old, black, white, people from all over the world. People have always energized me.”

26.“I attribute my longevity to a great extent to walking, not being in the back of the car strapped down.”

27.“We all remember how as children, when we were having fun, we often forgot to eat or sleep. I believe that we can keep that attitude as adults, too. It’s best not to tire the body with too many rules such as lunchtime and bedtime.”

28.“My inspiration is Robert Browning’s poem ‘Abt Vogler.’ My father used to read it to me. It encourages us to make big art, not small scribbles. It says to try to draw a circle so huge that there is no way we can finish it while we are alive. All we see is an arch; the rest is beyond our vision but it is there in the distance.”

29.“Pain is mysterious, and having fun is the best way to forget it.”

30.“Science alone can’t help or cure people.”

31.“This is some advice for the ladies. Don’t marry an older man, marry a younger one.”

32.“I try not to worry. I just try to live.”

33.“I don’t eat very much, but I always eat a fruit, a vegetable, and a little meat, and always make sure that I get sardine and salmon at least once or twice a week.”

34.“Try not to eat anything that’s healthy. It’s true. I eat whatever I want. The secret to longevity is ice cream.”

35.“Quit while you’re ahead.”

36.“[Humor is] a life force, a way of surviving the difficulties of living.”

37.“When you laugh at yourself, you prevent others from laughing at you.”

38.“I think [people] have to be curious. They have to be interested in life outside their little aches and pains. They have to be excited about seeing new things, meeting new people, watching a new play—just passionate about life.”

39.“I don’t care what you’re passionate about: maybe saving Dixie cup covers. But if you do it passionately, you’re alive.”

40.“Age is not a disease.”

41.“Keep an open mind, and things seem less strange.”

42.“Always listen to the other person. You’ll learn something. Try to sit back, because you will learn a lot more listening to others than telling them what you know.”

43.“You have to love what you do. if you find a job you love, you will never have to work a day in your life.”

44.“Take naps every day.”

45.“You get one family, so stick with them. But it depends if these hardships are financial or emotional or other types. Stick it out. Some days are worse than others, and you have to be ok with that. The night is darkest before dawn.”

46.“I try to take the time to look at and appreciate the smaller things that make this life beautiful. When I do that, time slows.”

47.“Do something interesting every day; otherwise you disintegrate.”

48.“Learning new things makes you happy and keeps your mind active.”

49.“Sleep well, try not to worry, and enjoy good dreams.”

50.“Be lovable. I’ve lived a long life because there are so many people who love me.”

51.“I take a drink of Scotch every day. And I feel great afterward.”

52. “I don’t like stress. I can’t stand arguing. If anybody is fussing, I’m gone. I like to be around positive people, people who lift you up not bring you down.”

53.“Mind your own business, and don’t eat junk food.”

54.“Laughter keeps you healthy. You can survive by seeing the humor in everything. Thumb your nose at sadness; turn the tables on tragedy. You can’t laugh and be angry, you can’t laugh and feel sad, you can’t laugh and feel envious.”

55.“Have a good wife, two scotches a night, and be easygoing.”

56.“It is very important to have a widespread curiosity about life.”

57.“Take one day at a time, and go along with the tide.”

58.“You have to be lucky, but I made the best of things when bad things happened. I also ate prunes every single day.”

59.“Do what you have to do. Don’t analyze it, just do it.”

60. “Take it easy, enjoy life, what will be will be. Sleep well, have a Bailey’s Irish Cream before bed if you have a cold—you will wake up fine the next morning.”

61. “I wish I hadn’t spent so much time worrying.”

62. “In relationships, sweat the small stuff. how you respond if your partner interrupts you while you’re doing something is very diagnostic of how good the relationship’s going to be. If you’re actively involved in reading the paper or doing something, and your partner wants to show you something of interest to him or her, whether you respond dismissively or you briefly stop what you’re doing and engage with your partner is very diagnostic of positivity in the relationship.”

63. “People who share core values typically have better marriages.”

64. “Communicate with your partner as often as possible.”

65. “Towards the end of life, what’s really important to people is to be able to see how their life mattered, how it was meaningful, how there was a story to it that wraps up in a good way.”

66.”Your life is not as serious as you think it is”

67.”When you meet someone for the first time, realise that you know nothing about them. You see race, gender, age, clothes. Forget it. You know nothing. Those biased assumptions that pop into your head because of the way your brain likes categories, are limiting your life, and others’ lives.”

68.”Remember that life is like a bank account: You don’t want to spend everything you have right away, but you don’t want to be a miser and save every penny. Yes, you’re only young once, but, with any luck, you’ll also be old at some point. Plan on a career, but don’t let it overcome the rest of your life. Take care of yourself, but don’t make it an obsession. Focus on your kids, but leave room in your life for yourself. Save enough money so that you’ll have enough for the future and for emergencies, but spend enough now to avoid looking back with regret.”

69.”Books. Read them. All the cliches apply (sunblock, flossing, travel). But don’t stop reading books, lots and lots and lots of books. Crappy ones, disturbing ones, difficult ones, fun ones. You can only live your one tiny life, but with books, you can live thousands more”

70.”Don’t marry young. Live your life. Go places. Do things. If you have the means or not. Pack a bag and go wherever you can afford to go. While you have no dependants, don’t buy stuff. Any stuff. See the world. Look through travel magazines and pick a spot. GO!” 

71.”Don’t chase with your hormones. Attractive people, because of their attractiveness, are seriously overrated. Choose the woman or man for your life by the quality of their character, the warmth of their heart, the kindness in their soul. Really, even if she or he is not the hottest, seek the company of others whose company you really enjoy. The person you marry may be the person who keeps you out of a nursing home. Bodies age and fade, but a deep and abiding love lasts a lifetime”

72.”People will always remember how you made them feel”

73.”Stuff is just stuff. Hoard time instead”

74.”Floss regularly, dental problems are awful”

75.”Collect experiences. I don’t have many regrets, but I do wish I would have travelled more when I was younger”

76.”A friend will come running if you call them at 2am; everyone else is an acquaintance”

77. “Work less. And try to live more.”

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High School High

My Tune: The Bitch of Living (from the musical Spring Awakening)
audio link: http://www.youtube.com/watch?feature=player_detailpage&v=reqSQy_69m0

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Over the past few months, I’ve noticed that I’m drastically becoming one of those people who are desperately holding on to their youth. I know that the flower-crowned optimists of this world say that age is just a number and that one can stay forever young if he pleases to, and all those other metaphors and euphemisms they use these days to cover up ugly truths, but I feel like a realist today. And today, what’s real tells me that I am an unemployed twenty-year old artist with a lackluster social life somewhere in the jungle-like Western civilization. And I just can’t help but think to myself, “Dang, boi! Where did all the years go?”

Here’s the thing about me: I am lethargic. I am lazy. Bed-ridden. I mean generally speaking, I barely even walk for more than a total of 90 seconds per day, and I don’t really consider sweating a prerequisite to my well-being. The most active thing I do is take a shower twice a day, but that’s about it. I might as well dub myself “The World’s Youngest Retiree Ever”. But here’s the catch: I wasn’t like this before. Not at all. I was one of the most energetic, most party-fueled, adventure-filled, life-loving people I know. Now I’m sitting here just wondering what happened to the livelier version of myself; the one who always found excitement in the littlest things, the one who would not allow a day to pass without trying something new. You know, the one back in high school.

High school. Here we go again. I’ve written several things about this already, but if I actually wrote each time I start to miss high school, even if it’s just always momentary, then at least half of this blogsite would be about nothing else other than high school. But here I am right now. And besides the fact that I haven’t set foot on the grounds of my high school for three years now, what brought me here?

An hour ago, I was re-watching an episode of 90210, and it’s the one where the West Beverly Hills High produces a performance of one of the most notable plays in history, “Spring Awakening”. It is the work of German dramatist Frank Wedekind written sometime between autumn 1890 and spring 1891. And it is one of my favorite plays of all time. It definitely is the real High School Musical.

One of the songs in Spring Awakening has always stood out to me, and that is the song “The Bitch of Living”. If you also love this song, or if you are not familiar with the play and are curious, then go click the audio link I so kindly provided for you at the very top of this write-up. There’s just something about this song that makes me vividly remember how it felt like to be in high school. All of those events and stage plays held in our university gymnasium, amphitheater and football field always top my memory list. I mean, jesus, I’m having goosebumps just thinking about the moments I had there, with my friends, with their hearts, and with all our innocence.

When I think of the past, I think of high school. This is a choice I make because high school, despite the bumps and grinds, was the best time of my life so far. Hold on, I know what you could be thinking right now. “My gosh, what a shallow little stuck-up human being you are, Kenn! High school was the best time of your life? Ugh, that’s just sad and pathetic. You were probably popular, had lots of friends, had a cinematic lovelife and didn’t have social anxiety that’s why you love high school! Fuck y–” But I’m stopping you right there. “The best” is something relative. And right now, I am at that point in my life where I appreciate the past because it’s the only thing I am sure about. And I am so sure about high school…

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I am sure that none of those sleepless nights trying to figure out Algebra was a waste, because we weren’t really dealing with those x’s and y’s and binomials anyway. We were up, yes, but we were dreaming. I’m sure we were. We were dreaming of ways to eat our lunch the next day and the ways to get our crush’s number without looking like a retard. And I’m sure that sometimes we all did look like retards, but none of that entirely mattered. Because we had so much energy in us that humiliation and consequences were but fractions of motivation that only kept us going.

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I am sure that those hallways weren’t just hallways; they were our very own world stage. Those hallways had seen so much of us – from the casual chit chats and last-minute note-scanning to the cutest holding-hands sessions and the overwhelming battles of forbidden love. Secrets were blurted out, love was confessed, friendship was made, friendship was broken, all in those hallways.

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I am sure our dusty classrooms during our last year in high school weren’t just classrooms, either. Underneath the drama and some inevitable social discord, those rooms had been an echo chamber of a complex yet blissful familial dysfunction. Those rooms were our homes away from home. And I’m sure we all learned at least a thing or two about teenage hormones in there.

I am sure that those first times were going to be worthwhile. That first drop of beer and vodka was merely the beginning of a journey. That night we decided we wanted to try smoking, that night we got drunk for the first time, that same night we saw ourselves not just as students but as people. All those mini fights, mini flirting, mini kisses, mini heartbreaks and mini nights-out made room for memories that were gonna be larger than life.

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I am sure that puberty, sexuality, poverty, love, rape, abortion, religion, gender, suicide and child abuse were all subjects very fresh to us. Most of us were just getting to know life through a peephole, and we were stoked! We were nervous, yes, but we were ready for anything life was gonna throw at us. We knew at the back of our minds that that was the time to learn, bit by bit, and then all at once.

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I am sure that everybody had a blast during that on-campus camping when we were in junior year. I’m sure that the air that night was rather intimate, but not necessarily in a sexual way. It was intimate in that it brought people who were already close even closer, and that it smelled something like a quarterback’s sweaty bedroom. I’m sure that that bonfire lit up something inside each of us, even though we weren’t conscious of it right when it happened. But it was there, happening. I’m sure that every single one of us who looked straight into that tall fleeting fire felt this underlying gratitude for being alive. We were just so full of life and hope. I’m sure that the tents we slept in, the grass we walked on and the friends we laughed with were gonna be there for the long run. We knew nothing was permanent, but we also knew that that night was gonna last for a long time. In fact, so long of a time it still lives in us today.

I am sure that one afternoon in the gymnasium was a fateful one. I was rehearsing with my co-emcee for the Sportsfest Opening, and you were standing by the gate carrying your sports gear. And you weren’t exactly looking at me the whole time, but I would stare at you every chance I got, and I saw the 4-PM sun light the left part of your body and the wind blow your perfectly straight hair just enough so that a small portion of your right eye was covered, and then revealed, and then covered again, and then revealed again, and I thought you were just beautiful – just you standing there from a close distance, looking like someone I was going to spend the rest of my life with. And of course, neither of us intensely believed that. We both knew it was all on the surface, but we didn’t care. It just felt nice. And that’s all that we could hope for that day; to feel something nice.

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In a world where everything seems so ephemeral, it is a gift to be able to keep great memories close to your heart. We are almost at that point already, my dear high school batchmates. We’re in this for the long haul. We were gossiping about crushes back then, but soon enough life slaps us in the face with jobs we don’t enjoy, bosses we hate, financial crisis we can’t escape, menacing strangers and some pretty devastating bad hair days. I mean, it is the bitch of living. We will eventually lose that youthful energy we always used to own, and we will someday feel like sleeping for a decade. But I think that if we just hold on to those moments from yesterday – those minutes and hours when all we cared about was feeling something simple and nice, those nights when we were living just for the hell of it, times when we were counting clouds and not assets, months when we didn’t have to worry about rent, or how much we had in our bank, days when it didn’t matter how badly we sucked at something because we would always just laugh at it – then we can absolutely feel nice forever.

I was losing all of my energy. But I just suddenly remembered, “I was a fucking teenager with all those fucking bad-ass moves and trips”. And I still am. I will forever be.

Laxatives and Narratives

My Symphonies:

Operating by Lady Danville | Wait by M83 | Don’t Go by Wretch 32 feat. Josh Kumra 

“This is a weird world we live in.” — Daniel KV

 Since I moved here in Canada, a lot of things have changed in my life: views, beliefs, social stature, financial state, taste, fashion, activities, et cetera. But what resounds to me the most is the change that happened within me, and it’s something which seems hard to articulate. Well I guess I can put it this way: since I moved in this country, my life has been conventional, standard or, for an even plainer term, proper. To put it simply, I haven’t been the “wild” and “daring” person I used to be. There are times when I actually fear that the interesting, jolly, adventurous, fearless entity inside me is already dead; that I’ve already lost the cheer I used to own and all that is left is a  collision of a dull simplicity– no edges at all. And I don’t know if this has something to do with the fact that I am new to this whole environment or if I have merely outgrown what one might call “the untamed stage”. However, it doesn’t really matter. Because last night, I somehow managed to experience who I was again for one night. Basically, last night was the most exciting and memorable thing that had happened to me here in Vancouver so far. Why? Because last night was the first time I felt like myself again after a loooong time. So I am here to write about last night, about what I did, about what I learned and rediscovered. And yes, I am literally feeling like a zombie with only four hours of sleep and a hangover right now, but I am convinced that I am impelled to put these precious thoughts in my head into writing while they’re still fresh to my memory.

Caution:  What you are about to read may contain reckless rantings, juvenile yammering and relatively mundane narrations. Trails of careless conclusions may have also been injected in the article. Read at your own risk. 

Yesterday, Daniel and I went to Havana to see this queer improv comedy show called The Bobbers Do The Bible. One of the main reasons why we decided to go is because our improv instructor at school, David C. Jones, was one of the performers, but it was also because we didn’t have much to do. Before we got to the theatre, there have been several navigational mishaps which resulted to the two of us being nine minutes late for the show. Fortunately for us, the staff or whatever were nice enough to allow latecomers (although we both maintain that we didn’t deserve to be called latecomers because nine minutes isn’t that bad, right? Right? Right). So yeah. The improv show was inspired by random bible passages and audience votes, and it was definitely hilarious. During the first intermission, Daniel and I decided to grab some drinks. I got a glass of margarita while he had a pitcher of dark beer. After the show, half of the pitcher of dark beer was waiting to be consumed. And because Daniel is such a beer fanatic (well, not really but you know what I mean), he made me drink it too. And so I did. We finished the beer. I ordered a plate of fries (which the waitress emphasized were regular fries) along with a pitcher of Mojito (which happens to be one of my favorite beverages). I was already starting to feel a little buzzed by the time the Mojito was served. And so, just like what normal people do when they’re buzzed, we talked. And this isn’t just the hangover speaking, but I know for a fact that in between those Mojito gulps was a string of simple yet meaningful conversations. Apparently there is really something about alcohol that makes people say (or ask) what they have to say (or ask) the moment they wanna say (or ask)  it– no sugar coats. Just the truth. Plain and simple. Just before we finished the pitcher, we ordered another one, at which point we were already too tipsy to care. And what’s fascinating about the whole making of orders is the fact that we are both broke, but we just didn’t give a heck; we weren’t even looking at the price list. We just did what we had to do: get drunk and not give a f*ck about the world. Halfway through the second Mojito pitcher, we called Simon (and I honestly barely even remember what I was saying and what we were talking about, or why exactly we decided to call him). Well, just fun stuff. Finally, we were done with all the drinks. In total, we managed a pitcher of dark beer and two pitchers of Mojito in our systems. The result? You’re about to find out.

We went out of the bistro laughing, yelling and literally hopping. We were talking about getting some more booze or blaze and how we’re gonna be able to get to his place when I realized that I was feeling light– like I wasn’t wearing anything. That’s when it sank in to me that my wallet wasn’t with me at that moment. Crazy, ei? It’s particularly crazy since I was consciously laughing while saying “my wallet! I lost my wallet! HAHAHAHA”. Daniel was already half-panicking. It was almost like he was more concerned about my own wallet than I was. And that was when I told myself “Man, I haven’t felt like this in almost two years”. What I actually meant was that I have never felt that feeling of being carefree and just shallowly (yet truthfully) happy since I was in high school. I mean, I used to always hang out with my friends (people I treated like family), get drunk, lose things and just be blissful. And we were just so young (15-16 years old) and free. It all felt real and wonderful. And I miss that. I miss those moments. I miss just being who I am with people who wouldn’t change a tiny bit of their perception of me even if they know all the not-so-becoming secrets I keep. I miss that feeling of eating french fries and dipping them in ketchup even if I don’t normally dip stuff in ketchup coz I don’t really like ketchup, but I didn’t mind coz I was drunk, and I like ketchup when I’m drunk. See?  This reminiscence even makes my sentences awkward and ungrammatical. But then I don’t care because that’s the feeling I’ve been longing for– the feeling of not caring; of just soldiering on in exciting ways; the feeling of being alive. And that’s exactly how I felt that moment when Daniel was running back to the bar to go find my wallet, and I was just walking, taking my time as I allowed oxygen to enter my lungs. And in my mind was my old self telling me “Chill. Whether or not you find your wallet, you are happy. I know you are. And that’s what’s important.” 

Just as I was talking to myself in my mind, I heard somebody across the street yelling “Hey! Are you guys looking for something?” When I heard that, I just instantly felt like I already saw it coming. It was almost like I knew that I was gonna get my wallet back in the end. And there he is, a raggedly dressed five feet six inches tall guy, walking next to me. His name is Ryan. When I saw him walking beside me, he was going over my wallet as if double checking, scanning it again to make sure that he took all that he needed. See, this seems to be a regular tragedy, but if you come look at it, I was in this undeniably extraordinary moment. I was walking next to a random guy whom I’ve never met before, searching my wallet as if he was dissecting some reptile in Biology class, while I was just looking at him while he was doing it, defenseless. It’s not regular at all. That was an exciting experience. Not everyone gets to experience that. And so there. He took 20 bucks from my wallet as well as my beloved monthly bus pass. So despite him being such a hippie, he actually is a hero. Not for me, bot for himself. He was heroic enough to save himself from taking all the other stuff in my wallet which he might not even need, or from not bothering to give me back my wallet at all. I am thankful that I still have all the vital IDs in my wallet. I loved him for returning them to me. I mean, at the end of the day, maybe he needed that 20 bucks way more than I would ever do. Maybe he needs the bus pass way more than I do. Above all of it, I was just somehow happy to have seen him get himself a couple slices of pizza. This guy may have been starving for several days. If that 20 bucks was enough to change his life even just for 24 hours, I am already happy for him. Everyone deserves a slice of pizza every once in a while anyway.

After I got my wallet back, what happened was something I’d rather not elaborate here in the cyber space. Basically, Daniel almost got in what could have been a messy and bloody street fight with a couple of cranked up hipster-type seemingly directionless men who have probably not done anything productive with their lives at all.  But yeah. IT WAS FUN. Another epic moment. And what basically happened next was the two of us walking along the streets of Vancouver in search for buses (how adventurous). It was already quarter to two in the morning. We were sitting in a bus stop. We were listening to sick beats in Daniel’s iPod on full volume. We were laughing, and we seemed to be so happy and we didn’t even exactly know why. All I know is that at that time, I completely let go of my sheer contempt to the world. I didn’t hate the world last night. I was just having a great time. And it was because I used my imagination and pretended that the world didn’t exist, and that I was but a kindred soul galloping next to a friend’s influential presence.

After two hours of walking and bus-searching, we made it to Daniel’s place. At that point, my mind was already packed with lightness. All I ever wanted to do was drink some juice and water, play some videogames and force myself to be oblivious to the reality that when  the sun rises, all of it will be just another day which will add up as an utter memory…; Daniel and I played Grand Theft Auto high as f*ck. And we couldn’t stop laughing at the littlest things in the videogame. It was especially exciting for me because it was the first time I’ve ever played that game. Hell, it was the first time I’ve played a videogame in years! And I don’t wanna appear to be someone who is eternally passive, but I just can’t help but remember those days when I would play Mario in Family console. I remember being so cheerful and being so pure– someone who didn’t have any prejudices or judgments about anything or anyone in his life; someone who was so little yet so full of life. And that’s what I experienced that moment in front of the TV, sitting on a “frighteningly comfy” rolled blanket, holding an Xbox controller, being consumed by a 2-player mode game with a friend. I missed that.

We then went to the bedroom, but it seemed like the night wasn’t over just yet. We watched several videos of ghosts and aliens in Youtube. I remember telling Daniel a little chunk of my own experience with a ghost when I was nine. All of it was just interesting. I mean, the videos. No matter how ridiculously false they appear to be, somehow I believe them. At least at that moment, I did. I am pretty sure that at that moment, I was consumed by my imagination. And it’s funny how imagining stuff can lead you to talking about reality. When the lights were turned off, and when we both were lying down on our respective mattresses, all curled up with the gentle comforters, and just before we totally shut our eyes, four lines have been said (not accurately, but here’s how I remember they were said):

Me: It’s really crazy. We all live in this world thinking that we are the only ones who exist. I mean, there could be aliens out there. We think we are so big, but we’re not.

Daniel: We are so small. There are 600 billion stars out there, Kenn. 

Me: Exactly. Life is so strange.

Daniel: This is a weird world we live in.

 And we fell asleep.

I found this “last chapter of the night” very wistful as it reminded me of my ex-bestfriend (whom I have wrote about in one of my previous blog entries). We also used to just lie down before sleeping and just talk about the most spontaneous topics and we always ended up discussing transcending views on life and how much we wonder about it. You know, you just look at the ceiling while talking to somebody with a like-minded spirit as you two discover what you believe in together; as you try to embellish what appears to be dull and analyze what seems to be self-explanatory through conversations which don’t happen everyday. That’s beautiful. And I missed that.

Before I end this post and surrender myself to the boring reality again, let me just express my gratitude to the universe for conspiring to make me experience the kind of life I used to live on a daily basis before I moved in this gigantic country. I am aware that I no longer have the kind of life I used to own. I am aware that the friends I’ve invested so much in may not even remember me ten or eleven  years from now. And I am aware that I am making baby steps again. I am going from the very beginning once again. These lands don’t contain my footprints yet. The grounds of this city aren’t familiar with the soles of my feet. Its walls don’t recognize my smell and its dwellers do not know who I am. And so before me is actually a shining, percolating chance to start again. And it took me eight months to realize that.

As with Daniel, he is someone I do not really know. I mean, I doubt anyone would even expect us to hang out. I don’t know his family, his friends, the stuff he does, the food he likes, the things he hates or what he thinks about jellybeans. I can barely even picture his face out using my imagination because I don’t usually see him on a daily basis. His energy is something I’m not used to just yet, and he is technically an acquaintance. I mean, he might not even care about the crazy things that happened last night. He might already be over it. He might not even be as amazed as I am right now. He might not even read this and care. We might not even hang out like that again. We might not even talk about last night ever again. He might even be just another dude who I got drunk with. But that’s not the point. The point is, last night, he was my bestfriend. And last night, I rediscovered who I am.  And that goes beyond any other social journey I’ve had in my life so far.

Call me a deliberate over-thinker. I don’t mind. It’s probably true. *wink

 

Evanescence

My Symphonies:
The Scientist by Coldplay
When the Stars Go Blue by Tyler Hilton and Bethany Joy
Flames to Dust (All Good Things) by Nelly Furtado
Wave Goodbye by Steadman

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Maybe it’s true. Maybe the easiest things to hold on to are also the hardest ones to let go of. Maybe we indeed meet some people along the way who earn a permanent place in our hearts. Maybe it’s definite that the people with the greatest impact in our lives usually stay for the shortest time. But maybe sometimes, letting go is our only option, and a so-called flames-to-dust drama is an inevitable consequence.

Seven months ago, I entered UP without knowing that my staying there will be but a very short one. Seven months ago, I faced another chapter of my life which came after high school. Everyone is familiar with it by the term “college”. Now the thing is that college isn’t all “ticket to success” for me as much as it is for some other people. College isn’t just a matter of earning a degree for myself as well as gaining reputation. In my case, college is also the perfect gate to new beginnings. My high school life, I used to say, was perfect. But I take that back now. I only said that because I was feeling rather anxious about the total difference of my previous schools to UP. As a matter of fact, I must say that my high school life had also been full of hardships and pain especially in the social aspect. My very short stay in UP, however, proved that it is possible to gain true new friends in a very short time. My UP friends, whom I am fond of calling my Good Friends*, are a perfect epitome of what high school had been sugar-coating the whole time back then and what college can never afford to conceal. They made me realize that it doesn’t really matter how much time you’ve spent with someone. It isn’t the duration of “friendship” that counts but the truthfulness of the relationship. I’m sorry to break this to some people, but I know for sure that only very few people from my high school life made it to my “friends list” until now. This goes to show that a lot of people didn’t really go the extra mile to save the ship which is in our case, friendship. Well I’m not saying that I made a whole bunch of friends in UP. In fact, I can pretty much confidently say that I consider only a dozen of good friends there, and only three very close ones. So why am I here? I am here because I believe that everyone deserves a proper closure. I know I wasn’t really able to properly say my goodbyes to the Miami people when I visited there last November 8. So I am taking this chance and this moment to seal the envelope of memories with sentiments of both calm and rage.

To those of you who don’t know yet, the answer is YES. I already made my honorable exit from the University of the Philippines-Visayas  last month. I decided to spend three days there before I finally left that place for good. The whole stay had actually been dramatic and physically exhausting. But there are still some people to whom I haven’t addressed my goodbyes yet. Ladies and gentlemen, I will now officially begin my curtain speech.

37147_161569313863527_800785_nUPV Faculty and Staff. First, I just wanna say that even though I am not that close to each and everyone of you, and even though I didn’t reach the point where you all know me for my achievements because I already left before that might have happened, I will still miss all of you, for I know that UP teachers don’t offer merely class lessons but also genuine education (well, at least most of the UP teachers). I loved it when I realized that if I decided to study in some other schools who claim they are “the best”, I must had taken very lame tests all over again. You know, the tests which require mere memorization and not really understanding. But you really have it sizzling right on the frying pan! I cannot remember a single test which didn’t make me turn my brain cells on for the go. I must say that I now believe what the other students of UP say:  Our teachers aren’t just teachers. They are MENTORS and PROFESSORS who will either make us or break us… either way, for a better future. To the registrar’s office, I know you’re all hot-tempered especially when it’s your lunch break. I even came to a point where I almost had enough with your pagmamaldita, but I controlled myself, all because I know you’re just in that certain stage of some sort of menopausal. Oops. However, I will miss dealing with you all. All those processing, going back and forth from one building to another, all of it. I couldn’t have entered and exited UP without your help and for that, I thank all of you. The OUR, the Office of Student Affairs and even the Residence and Health Services Unit. Ciao, UP faculty and staff.

34156_1412184103394_1264397_nHumanities Division (Skimmers) EXECOM, Upperclassmen, Faculty and Staff. I know not everyone of you likes me. Actually, I feel like most of you are still irked so much by the fact that I didn’t submit to what you had been expecting me to submit to since the day I stepped into the HumDiv Faculty Office. I am sorry for what I haven’t done for you but the truth is, I am not sorry for what I did for myself, which is to follow my heart and be myself. The reality is I never really join cheerdance competitions or anything that require yelling while doing awkward gestures, especially when I knew that UP way of cheering isn’t really like cheering at all. It’s all full of insults, self-praise and a very fierce thirst for a GRANDSLAM. Well, I won’t say any more of my feelings against that. The point is, I have the right to choose NOT to involve myself in what you guys really think is important. I have my own will because on the first place, it is human nature to be free. And unfortunately for you, I am not really the type who conforms too much to other people’s wants and needs. I have my own sentiments. I just don’t share them with most of you. As with the Hinugyaw Competition, I honestly felt like I just can’t deal with people like F***** that time. I’ve met a lot of modelling directors like him, and they all didn’t stand a chance against my impatient ego. I’d rather quit the ramp than hate everyone. Well, as with the upperclassmen, I know you all are annoyed with me. I heard all the back stabbing you’ve done. All those rumors, those mind games and those mean labels were able to land on my ears, don’t worry. I just wanna give you a little advice:  stop being so bitter already. MOVE ON. Okay? It’s not like I killed you or something. I will miss your arched brows and inconsiderate chats. That’s for sure. To my mentors, Ma’am Jayne Barcelona, Prof. Beth Vargas and Prof. Celia Parcon, I will really take everything I learned from you with me. Ma’am Jayne, thanks for being so light and seemingly fresh in teaching us the Fundamentals of English. Our class is surely unforgettable. It didn’t even seem like English1. It was more of Gymnastics, Soccer, Acting class and Education courses combined last semester. I will truly miss you. Prof. Parcon, I will never forget what you told me last time. Thanks, and God bless you. I will miss you all, Skimmers!

40599_150177391659566_4665969_nCMS People. I know I’m not close to everyone of you, but we all share the same passion. I know that if I stayed there, I would have gotten to know some of you a little more. But since this is it for me, I just wanna tell you this: ROCK ON, guys. Do good with your endless productions next year.

44385_1440490612615_8171609_nMOANERS, Coleen, Drew, Kath, Froi, Esth and even Celina… I will miss the six of you. Col, I will miss your loudness and non-stop talking. Drew, thanks for the book and for the friendship. Same thing goes to you, Kath. I will truly treasure the time when we did a shoot at Boardwalk. That was really memorable. I’m sorry if I wasn’t able to drink with you after the shoot. But you know what they say:  when it comes to parties, there is always a NEXT TIME. I will miss the noise we make every CMS11 class.  Our group is the “Back of the Class” rocker. That’s all I can say.

36970_1261538073400_883505_nHall One Residents:  The Lampiririts. I can never forget the day I first stepped on the grounds of our lovely dorm. Up until now, just the thought of Hall One walls sends a certain sting to my heart. Even though there had been several conflicts and issues between me and the other dormers, I must say that what I’ve experienced in Balay Lampirong is truly a home away from home. Despite the fact that I hadn’t been an active dormer (not to mention a conforming one), I actually feel sad that I am leaving that place. When I visited there last week, I kept on telling Esther and Miguel that something is weird in the dorm. Later that week, I figured that what’s weird is that I’m leaving the very place where I learned to accept other people as they are, mingle with people having different personalities and even wash my clothes and fix my bed every morning. What’s weird is that I’m leaving the very place where I learned to appreciate simple fancies and trips like watching tv with about 20+ other people in the lobby, doing movie marathons in the mini library and surfing the net with 30+ other people surfing too… under one roof… during midnight.  Marlo, Gwen, MJ, Kuya Justin, Mamita, Kuya Roy, you guys are some people who made me feel at home in Hall One. Thanks for that. Gwen, thanks for encouraging me not to give up when I said that I’ll quit UP just before enrolling. You and MJ take care of each other, okay? I know that brighter days are ahead for the dubbed “Best Dorm” in UP.

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GOOD FRIENDS, I’m just sad to say that the end isn’t near… it’s here. But in every ending comes a new beginning. As for us, it isn’t goodbye, though. It’s only farewell.

Angelica, we hadn’t spent much time together compared to our other good friends, but I just wanna thank you for your bubbly aura, your frank personality and your on-the-go spirit. You also helped our group survive in some ways. And whatever you think you thought you knew or whatever, keep it a mystery. 🙂

Jevi, I will miss those days during the first few weeks of college. I remember I told you that in the group, the two of us are the only people who share the same Bacolod accent. *laughs.  Anyway, Jev, you are a very loud person, and I like it that way. Be yourself. I know our good friends accept anyone in the group for whoever or whatever he or she is.  🙂  Thanks for being one of those people who took the risk of talking to me during enrolment. Not everyone has the courage to do that, to tell you honestly. HEHE. Take care, jev. I’ll miss you. See you around Bacolod on December and on summer.

Froilene, I’m sorry if I kind of stole your bestfriend from you. HAHA. No, I’m just kidding. But seriously, I will miss our Hinugyaw practices and our everyday mixing and matching of clothes. I can’t even count the number of times we’ve been mistaken to be under initiation because of our O.A. outfits. Powerdressing to the highest level was our casual thing. Thanks for being there. You are a good person, fro. I wonder what’s up for the Best Female Model this sem. Hehe. No matter what happens, I do hope for a healthier relationship between you and James. 🙂

Jonnah, the net girl of the group, the pizza provider, the go nuts donuts provider, the I-don’t-care-if-there’s-class-tomorrow chick of the group… uhmm. What else? Well there are many names and tags for you, but I consider only one which stands out: a TRUE FRIEND. Jon, I will never ever forget the times when we talk about how we hate studying and those times when we convince our friends to stop studying and watch some more movies and do sweat-free stuff like eating, listening to music, facebook-ing and simply sitting down and talking. I will miss the fine, fresh, fierce Jonnah. Take care, Jon. Say my regards to your ate. I’ll miss you.

Kriz, you are one of the few people in UP whom I really consider as trustworthy and nice. Wait. You aren’t even nice. You are GREAT. You have a pure heart which surely worked in our group’s bond. I will never forget how much you defended one of our good friends when she got into a “fight” with an upperclassman. I will miss our sing-along and our lip sync sessions in mini lib and pretty much everywhere we go. I’ll always remember “don’t you wish that you could be a fly on the wall?!.. a sneaky little creepy little fly on the wall?!”. HAHA. That was so fun back then. I’ll miss our 90210 marathons while Jonnah and Mike are fighting on the other end of the table in the library. I’ll miss our “Did you know” sessions. I’ll miss the way we used to exchange words of wisdom and most of all, I’ll miss the feeling of real friendship when I’m with you. You know, that feeling when you can completely be yourself with someone and call that person a friend. That’s what it’s like with you, Kriz. I will really have you in my memory forever.

Mike, you are my first friend in college. I remember last May, when we were talking about some stuff I picked from a magazine I gave you… it felt like we were the only freshmen boys in the dorm! HAHA. Well, I can say that it’s true. We agree on a lot of things, and that’s how we came to be buddies. I’ll miss the gamer and the WTH-is-wrong-with-Ma’am-Pison guy. *laughs. Mostly, I’ll miss the way you talk. Seriously. I find it very entertaining when you start to speak. I don’t even know why. HAHA. Well, I wanna tell you this:  this semester, try your best to be hooked up on studies, but I’m not saying you should totally forget about fun. Mix fun and school and you’ll surely be the COOLEST University Scholar this semester. *wink

Paul, I’ll miss you so much talaga. It really was heart-warming back then. You accompanied me for lunch and dinner when I had no one else to go with. You really took time to walk with me and just watch me eat even when you had exams the other day and even when you’d already eaten. I would knock on your door and say “Paul, kain tayo”. Then you would stop doing you assignment and go with me. By the moment we reached CDH or Lola’s you’d simply go find a seat for me and I’ll ask “Paul, hindi ka kakain?” and you would respond saying “Hindi, tapos na’ko. Sinamahan lang kita”. Well, that’s something I rarely experience with a friend or with anyone else. I’ll also miss the way we put other people OP with our dramatic scenes. I will truly miss our acting portions. Do you remember that time when you just came out of the bathroom and told me “So, nagkakalat ka na pala ng issues ngayon?” I responded with a shocked voice. “Ano? What do you mean?” Then you said “Sa susunod, kung magkakalat ka ng chismis, yung parang totoo naman. Para may maniwala sa’yo”. After you said that I figured you were just acting, and we both laughed like hyenas. You still had your toiletries in your left hand that time and your towel above your head! HAHA. Sighs. I will miss you, Paul Tj Collantes

Lester, I actually never thought before that I would even talk to you or exchange hi’s and hello’s with you. But your stay in Hall One changed everything I thought I knew about you. That “mahangin at misteryosong” Jake Cuencang galit (as Nikko would say) turned out to be one of the most down-to-earth, compassionate, open guys with only the coolest personality. That awkward first talk we had after you got out of the shower was totally a memorable one. To top it all, I am grateful to have a very expressive guy friend like you. Most of my boy buddies aren’t really that open at all. This is why I will miss each of our conversations. Those late night talks, those confessions of problems and those College Humor and Happy Tree Friends videos will really be in my treasure box. I have several things to thank you for. Thank you for making me feel still at home in room 23 during those times when I wasn’t really feeling like being in room 23 at all. You know what I mean, and everyone knows what I mean. Thank you for constantly reminding me to forget about my haters and concentrate on the people who care about me. Thank you for telling me something that I’m not sure if you still remember. It was when we were in Bentoy’s with Esther and Nikko. We were drinking and we started confessing our far-fetched dreams. I told mine and you interrupted saying “You know, that’s not really far-fetched for you, Kenn”. These words appear plain and simple, but no one else has any idea how that one made me hold on to my dreams. Most of all, thanks for believing in me when I didn’t even believe in myself. I will miss you, random dude of UPV, and I will see you soon, buddy.

Esther, you have practically written two letters for me in one month all because you knew that I will leave sooner or later. Well, this won’t even be about the letters you’ve written. This is about a person who haven’t only been my closest girl  friend in college but has also been a sister, a mother, a father and even a brother to me. Everyone knows how close we are, Es. Even our classmates would really get curious and amazed if they saw either of us walking along the hallways without the other. We were partners in crime and on top of that, I feel like it’s safe to say that we were a dynamic duo. We had many things and trips other people don’t and will never understand and figure out. If I will talk about the things I’ll miss about you, I can write a book. Literally. The truth is you were one of the few people who made me feel “not alone” in an eerie and lonely municipality like Miag-ao. As for the things I’ll miss, I’ll name some. I’ll miss the funny faces we make—faces no other person can actually comprehend. I’ll miss our major major famous expressions—expressions which have gotten popular, but never really mastered by any other person but the two of us. I’ll miss our plastic smiles, our arching of eyebrows, our friendly mocks at each other and of course, our undying tag lines like nami ka, nami ta, sige guys, wow submissive, wow supportive, indi nako, mapatay ko, shet lamig, awwwwwh and oh really?! I’ll miss our endless talks in the mini library. I’ll miss our pangaway sa tricycle and even sa dorm. HAHA. I’ll miss bugaw-ing you to random guys like R, L, and the other R. Gets? Go figure. Oh and J pa gali. LOL. Hehe. I’ll miss our laughs, your teenage drama, your bitter bitteran moments with our good friends, which were of course just part of the act. I’ll miss Saturdays in SM with you, especially that time when we went out with the USA people. I’ll miss our hultanay portion in the lobby. I’ll miss our trying hard fights, our “review” portion everytime there is a quiz or an exam, our constant and consequent snacks everyday and I’ll miss your marshmallows. I’ll miss your butterfly shirt, your eyeglasses, your handwriting (so adorable. HAHA. Joke), your mp4, your bag (especially ang Dickies), your blue shoes… and all that’s in your closet and in your bag including your crumpled hand-outs. Sigh. Ask me what else I’ll miss and I’ll say “Everything”. I am more than thankful to have  a friend like you, Es. I am just here whenever you need a friend. I’ll never move. That’s for sure. I miss you, Blair Waldorf of Good Friends. Thanks for sharing such a fruitful friendship with me last semester. Four years!  🙂  *wink

Miguel, as I am typing this now, we are still in a fight which pretty much everyone considers shallow. Well, that’s because no one knows the real reason why I am so upset about the issue. But I am not here to dwell on that debate right now. I am typing a farewell message for you because we are brothers, and brothers fight. This will come and go, but one thing won’t—our brotherhood. I’ve started writing this curtain speech last week. Last Monday, I finished writing Lester and Esther’s part, and it took me several days to continue writing this entry. Now, I just felt like it’s about time I bring this procrastination to an end and start composing my message to you. Migz, we started out as strangers introduced to each other by Mike. Weeks went on and on until I found myself getting close to you. I started helping you out with your essays, and you began joining me for lunch and dinner (since I don’t take breakfast on schooldays). If there’s one thing that I can say to you and want you to remember for the rest of your life is that you are one of the VERY few people whom I have considered as my brother—my little brother. My closest friends back in high school know that one of my greatest dreams is to have a baby brother. If you only have any idea how much I envy my friends who bring along their younger siblings in school, hold them by their arms when they attempt to run away and yell at them caringly when they misbehave. I used to always say that since my fantasies of having a biological little brother is getting hopeless, I would just find one of my own among my friends. And it has all been a success. God somehow granted my prayers. I’ve seen a brother in you, Migz, and I’m not sure who the elder one between us is. I admit I can be very immature at times, but that doesn’t change the fact that I’ve treated you like a brother for the past four months. And knowing that I will be away from you is equivalent to the feeling of being away from a family. I’ll miss every little thing we do together or simultaneously—watching movies, brushing our teeth, taking a shower (in separate cubicles, of course), eating dinner with the rest of our Good Friends, eating pancit canton at midnight, our very confidential talks about my life, love life and my past, our daily “heart2heart” talks about the tragedies of our lives, mini library moments, our constant fights (we sure quarrel a lot, don’t we?), surfing the net, getting water from the dispenser, taking out the dirty laundry to Manang Cynthia, walking along the hallways of hall1 while everyone is looking at us like we’re aliens (HAHA) and teasing each other to random girls (including the not-so-attractive ones. Haha). I will even miss that feeling when we are seen by people together and they all have some close-minded and juvenile speculation as they look at us laugh together or walk together without saying anything. Honestly, I will miss leaving other people with an enigmatic aura the both of us bring. HAHA. Well, whatever they say or whatever they think they know, WE KNOW BETTER (wink). Plus, they are just jealous because they don’t get to have a very cool friendship like ours. I won’t be writing any more for you, BATA. I’ve already told you my sentiments, and I will tell you more personally. 🙂 Just take care. I know you’ll find a new “kind of” me there in Miami. Just learn to mingle with other people, okay? I’ve always told you that it won’t hurt to try to socialize. I will see you in the future. I will miss you, bro.

Good friends, I know it’s never enough to say “goodbye” and “I’ll miss you”. Until now, I am left with pieces of you which disable me to shake our memories together. You will all forever be in my heart.

As for the rest of the UPV people, I want to thank all of you. Yes. All of you— including those who hate me. I wanna thank you for playing you respective roles in this chapter of my life very well. 🙂

Now here goes my evanescence.

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Paparazzi

My Tune: I Lie Awake by Quietdrive

Things have been going on so rapidly. Everything has been a non-stop twist and turns of events and all we can do is to keep holding on.

…If only I could capture my every move and the world’s every move like the paparazzi in Hollywood. I’d really be glad if that was possible. Because right now, all I need is a little bit of slow motion.

Pretending I was Zeus, I would really slow things down even just a bit. Really.

But I was not and I will never be. So now, I can just say that I have no other option but to take on this fast-moving life in a fast-moving world.

Hours ago, it was announced that classes will be suspended for the whole week next week due to massive severe cases of feverish flu and signs and symptoms of health complications. We shouted for joy, as expected, because there will be no classes which means no Math IV, no Science IV and definitely no waking up in an ungodly hour. But to some, this week will not be all-fun-and-games. To some, it may be one week of total sickness.

I was jumping with joy. Others, the majority of the student body, were also celebrating. But seeing other people suffer from health challenges made me have a second thought on celebrating. Oh, I wish all will be fine.

So there. There’s the “swine flu” issue. There’s the whole new turn of events in my life. There’s I being the sweeper of the day. There’s this and there’s that. Many things happen.

Not that I want my high school life to already end, but what I wrote in our class journal [ Class journal of IV-St.Rita of Cascia ] was all about saying goodbye. To think that I entitled it “Opening Curtain Speech”, I believe that the ironic side of me is once again hitting the limelight. But hell no! I don’t want my high school life to end. I mean, I even wrote an entry where I stated and emphasized that nothing beats being in high school. Actually, I wrote about goodbyes in our class journal because I don’t want to say goodbye, to start with. I know it’s kind of complicated to understand, but you get my point, right? I know you do. It’s perhaps like wanting to just live one sad moment in your life in advance because you know it’s going to come your way anyway… so why prolong the agony?

Right now, I’m just insane. I’m happy that there will be no classes for one week; sad, for my friends who are sick. I’m happy that I’m finally growing old, but sad that I would have to leave precious pieces of “stones” behind me sooner or later. I’m  happy that I’m still breathing but I’m quite sad that I still haven’t done any crucial sacrifices for someone other than myself [ But I will, I know I will. Later. ].

I really think that the events in our lives will turn and pass by us faster.

And unfortunately, there will be no cameras and video cameras for us to capture every single detail of the goings-on.

What we have is our hearts that will either stay with the moments we had previously, or fly away and move on…for good.

In my case, I will always choose the first option.